WAW served me, 2 weeks in, looking for pointers

[jp787]

In September 2012 after the event, I decided it would be best for us to move to be near family.

I made the decision to quit that job and move here for her.

Which is it?

[KdogGS]

It's both, because it's her family here. Mine are 1400 miles away.

[Mimi00]

I've never read "His needs, her needs" but I assume its for couples who aren't currently seperated? I say for now stick to DB... as anything you do for her she'll think is just to get her to come back and not real. Stay focused on you and your changes.

If you've rededicated your self to Christ....focus on that relationship...let it change you for the better. Wake up a little earlier in the AM and pray then read your Bible. Purchase some Christian music....I don't know what type of music you're in to, but I just purchased Tye Tribett's "Greater Than"...It has really helped me to take my mind off of my sitch and give me hope. Purchase some sermons on CD to listen to in your car. Get your self strong in your relationship w/ God before even reaching out to your W again. If there ever is a chance for R in the future w/ her, your spiritual strength is what's going to shine and pull you through. So if you're sincere about your new walk with God, put him first, everything else will fall in to place where it needs to after that.

All the best to you.

[KdogGS]

Thanks Mimi for your kinds words and encouragement!

I listen to K-love in the car all the time, and started donating $15 monthly as it represented the 180 in my life right now. $15 X 12= $180. So I am giving joyfully. I listen to Modern Christian on Pandora, I'm trying the 30 day challenge where you only listen to Christian music. It has had a great affect on me, so positive and encouraging.

I am staying focused on my changes and keeping them going. I know I'm a broken person and God is the only one that can restore me to sanity. I'm just starting to work the 12 steps of AA and am going to counseling through the church. I am feeling very positive about things and I appreciate your encouragement!

[Mimi00]

No problem Kdog. My church had a very early morning prayer session today.
A few things the pastor prayed that I'd like to share w/ you:
He prayed agaisnt self sabotage, fear, intimidation and anxiety.
You've come this far, don't mess up what you're working towards, bc of your lack of self control/emotions. You have changed, so don't go back to your old ways. Have inner peace, let God fight the rest of this battle for you.


I was really encouraged through hearing these things, so I thought to share with you. I know I almost self sabotaged last week w/ my H bc I was really emotional and was going to send him an email...I'm glad I didn't now!

Have a good day!

[KdogGS]

Thanks for sharing that Mimi. The hardest part of this process so far has been my own mind. I have constant battles in my head over whether I'm taking the right approach? Is this ultimately going to change anything (The answer is yes since it already changed me)? Should I keep doing the same thing I'm doing with LRT? Are my 180s really 180s or more of the same?

I think we are our own worst enemies in this process. Thats why re-reading the 37 rules and getting support and encouragement have been pivotal for me, and will continue to be.

I know God usually gives us a yes/no/ or wait. Right now I'm feeling a big old wait, so I'll continue at status quo for now.

As far as reading His needs/her needs- I like to gain as much insight into the psychology aspect of this as I can. I am a voracious reader. I finished that one already, and came away from it knowing the financial support need for her is one that changed for us. I'm adjusting pay and things accordingly to try and alleviate that pressure while we're separated. So it was helpful even to get that one piece out of the book.

Any other books you'd recommend for me? I've check out both the DB and DR, I need to read through them again and take notes.

[Mimi00]

I really enjoyed and learned a lot from the following books:

Hope for the Separated by Gary D. Chapman
Fighting for your Marriage by Howard J Markman
Tough Love by James Dobson

[KdogGS]

Thanks, I will check out all 3 of those!

Have a great day!

[MrCAS]

Instead of reading more books, I might suggest that you re-read the ones you have.

Read the MWD books again. You might have gleaned something off the last book you read but think of the harvest of knowledge you will get from reading it again.

You need to slow down. This a marathon... not a sprint.

[KdogGS]

I'm going to read them again, the first time I read them was about 3 days into the walk out. So I'm sure I'll get more out of them this time. I actually never wrote out the "what worked?" "What will be a step in the right direction?" stuff. So that will be my next task.

I'm trying to keep in mind it's a marathon. As I said a few posts up, I've discovered the biggest obstacle to overcome in this will most likely be my mind. And patience- I've never had it really.