We have a teenage daughter who is caught in a whirlwind of confusion the same as I am. It's difficult to offer her hope for the future when even I myself don't have half the answers I need just to get through one day.
As hard as this sounds, you have got to be her rock. She needs a solid, grounded you more than ever right now. Give her the reasurrance she needs. Tell her that you both love her very much, and that you will both always put her first.
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This lead to a huge fight. One where he ended up in jail and I ended up in the emergency room.
WOW! I hope you're OK. There is no excuse for that kind of behavior.
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That was over 10 months ago. I could have left, but I also knew that what happened between us was not totally his fault
The violence was ALL his fault. You don't own any part of that, and don't think that you do.
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The 180 doesn't work with him. His dad used to be a counselor and has told him all about how the 180 works, etc.
That doesn't mean 180's won't work. 180's are all about owning what you did wrong in the marriage and changing those things, doing the opposite. You do it for YOU, to make yourself the BEST possible person you can be. Your H may say "oh she's doing 180's as tricks to get me back" initially, but when you stick with them for months and eventually they are incorporated into the new you, then he'll see they're real and that you're doing them with or without him in your life.
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But if he loves me like he says he does, then why won't he take the chance to date me or have anything to do with me other than talking to me on the phone or standing in the drive way holding me while we talk?
Exactly. You can't assume he's reinvested into the M unless he swears off OW, breaks all contact with her and verbally commits 100% to the M.
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I asked my husband if he would think about it and consider coming home after he deals with this coworker and he said he doesn't know.
I hope you don't believe all this BS he's telling you about the coworker just being someone he's trying to help. One thing all people involved in affairs have in common- they all lie. And most of what you wrote here about what your H said sound like some seriously big whoppers.
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I know this is long, but I need to make sure that you have all the details in order to help me bust this and get my marriage back.
First, you have got to quit trying so hard to "fix" your M. You and your H are in different places, he's not anywhere close to wanting the M back. You've got to pull back and give him time and space while you work on yourself. Leave him to the mess he's made. You need to get out and GAL. Read DR over and over again. Get a DB coach if you can. Detach from your H.
