There is a whole section on well-meaning friends and family in DR book.
Your sister has good intentions as she loves you and does not want to see her sister hurting. People also think D is the answer to all M problems, when it really just starts a whole new set of problems. Let her know that you know she means well but that you have to do what you believe in and that is standing up for your M. You want to know that in the future you did the best you could possibly do, right?
You can be strong Angela.
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
Again, THANK YOU to all of you who held my hand yesterday and helped me through a really awful day!
After I got home, my H started texting again. I ignored him for a bit, but it was becoming obvious that I was ignoring him, and I don't want to come across as being mean so I finally answered....AND he opened up.
I still have NO idea why he was being such an up and down jerk yesterday, but he opened up about some stuff that I never knew.
He said that for awhile now he hasn't really felt "needed or wanted" by me. He said that he wishes I would initiate ML more because it makes him feel like I want him as a "man" (GOOD call Pud!). We texted about things we think we can work on, etc.
We had really honest, good conversation. He came back to the house for a couple of hours before work and hung out with the kids. It a completely stress-free evening.
I am remembering what you all wrote to me. I am keeping my expectations at ZERO for today, but am glad that yesterday ended better.
And, I need to work harder on staying OFF the roller coaster ride.
And, Accuray....thank you for helping me to NOT make rash decisions in the middle of turmoil. I do have a lot to work on yet, within myself, before I can say I gave it my all.
I STILL don't have the book. That should be a PRIORITY when I get paid this month. Since H now takes his paycheck and does whatever with it, I don't want to ask him for money for it....and I have to pay for everything with my little check. Guess I can say it's for new shoes. *wink, wink*
He said that for awhile now he hasn't really felt "needed or wanted" by me. He said that he wishes I would initiate ML more because it makes him feel like I want him as a "man" (GOOD call Pud!).
This is exactly how I think my H feels about me right now, that's how I knew. I know I have made him feel not wanted/needed or manly at all during the past few years, hence why he needs OW to make him feel that way.
And it sounds like you had a great positive with him opening up to you. I think that is wonderful. That is such a great start! There will be many more ups and downs but count your positives!
Don't let that clamshell snap all the way shut, at least now you can see part of the pearl!
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
I remind myself of two friends who have both been through WAS and are both happily married today.
Both Hs were WAS, and the Ws said the closer they got to the eventual reconciliation the worse it got. The Hs would get nastier and meaner, be more sullen, etc - because they were coming face to face with their own stupidity, recognizing what fools they were, seeing how bad they had to have looked to everyone around them; on TOP of the guilt for affairs, crappy state of their life, and of course, the coals heaped on them by loving Ws who fought through it and waited on them.
I remind myself of two friends who have both been through WAS and are both happily married today.
Both Hs were WAS, and the Ws said the closer they got to the eventual reconciliation the worse it got. The Hs would get nastier and meaner, be more sullen, etc - because they were coming face to face with their own stupidity, recognizing what fools they were, seeing how bad they had to have looked to everyone around them; on TOP of the guilt for affairs, crappy state of their life, and of course, the coals heaped on them by loving Ws who fought through it and waited on them.
Just a point to keep in the back of your head.
That was nice to hear Jon. There is hope!!!
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
Had a "normal" evening with the H and kids. He actually gave me a hug and kiss when he left for work. Doubt it will last, but I'm happy that he was in a good mood anyway.
I guess this is where I can practice "detaching" better....I always feel like the next shoe is about to drop....makes it hard to enjoy the good things because I always wonder when he'll turn into the "monster" again. So, I will practice working on me and not worrying about it (easier said than done. Lol.).
He texted me this morning when he got off work and was in a good mood, then, too.
On the way home yesterday, I thought about what a some of you had told me to work on....."who do I want to be?" and I've been working on that list. For starters, I want to:
(1) Be more independent (not worry so much about what H is doing and not worry so much about what others think, etc.). I'm very independent when it comes to stuff around the house or taking care of the kids, etc. BUT I constantly worry about what others think of me or worry about where H is and what he's doing.
(2)Be more fit and healthy...start running and mountain biking again. Eat healthier.
(3)Just focus on being happier, in general. I want to remember to appreciate all of the little things each day that make me glad....that fresh cup of coffee in the morning....the baby donkey playing in the field....my kids, etc. I have a lot of good things in my life that I can focus on to take the focus off of the sad.
I know I have made him feel not wanted/needed or manly at all during the past few years, hence why he needs OW to make him feel that way. 
