Hi - I have been reading the posts for a while and soaking in as much information as possible. I have read DR and am currently speaking with a coach.
That's fantastic, most new people come in here without having read a thing and instantly want the "quick fix", it's refreshing to see someone who did a lot of the legwork before posting, so congrats
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I have to admit that despite reading DR, reading the posts and speaking with my coach, I have been doing a horrible job implementing the advise provided to me. It took me a long time to get my emotions under control and to pick myself up off the ground after the BD.
Was BD in July when he moved out? If so you're still early in your sitch and it's not unusual at all for the emotions to still be running wild after a few months. So I don't think it took you a "long time" at all.
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I feel like he throws in daily jabs to hurt me in order to justify his actions and decisions.
Quite common. Just let them roll off of you and maintain your PMA.
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I have promised myself that for the next 30 days, I will follow the advise of my coach and everything in DR (I am a planner/controller by nature, so I like being able to cross each day off my calendar to show my progress). If I stick to the advice for 30 days, I am rewarding myself with a spa day.
Good! But reward yourself with the spa day no matter what! Don't look at this as success/ failure, just promise to try your hardest and reward yourself for THAT.
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I will focus on myself and stop trying to change my H. I am prepared to avoid his jabs and not let him push my buttons. I have stopped asking about the OW and stopped snooping.
Good stuff!
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I have been GAL since July. My calendar is full of activities with the kids, activities with girlfriends, signed up for a mom's group, enrolled in yoga class. Its honestly feels great and I am much happier in this aspect than I have been in years.
Perfect, that's great DB'ing!
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Does anyone have any advice on how to handle this situation with OW and the kids? I want him to respect this one boundary (since he is not respecting anything else at this moment).
Yes, leave it alone. You can't enforce boundaries on him, especially involving OW. Unless she is potentially harmful to your kids (as in is violent, or drinks or is on drugs) then don't concern yourself with it. There are no "consequences" you can enforce on him, and therefore you can't enforce the boundary. For example, what's the worst you can threaten, divorce? But he wants that anyway, and afterwards he can have OW around the kids as much as he wants regardless. See what I'm saying?
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I told two close friends (and my immediate family) that H moved out, but they don't know the details.
Don't offer info to shared friends and family because they always try to intervene and the WAS always blames the LBS for "rallying the troops" against them (even if the LBS knows nothing about it). If they press you for details just say the two of you need some space to think things through and leave it at that. Make it sound like it's something you BOTH want.
Now if you have friends that have no contact with your H and don't know him, then by all means share everything with them. It's good to have the support here, but there's nothing more therapeutic then having face-to-face convos with people.
