Of course this doesn't make sense, silly! We'd all be graduate level teachers in the subject if did... which I am most definitely not!
Yes, I work hard at DBing from the perspective of people on the board. But believe me, he can't feel controlled because I offer him little on that front (and I really try to allow him to TAKE control...). We have come infinitely far with my avoiding conflicting conversations.
As much as I would love to take a solo vacation right now, the money is not here to do that. CA... sigh. I think you might be in the Bay Area? We lived in Sunnyvale and were married in Santa Clara... we have lots of friends still there and my heart truly IS in SF.
Jealousy is a VERY sticky issue in our sitch. I have always had male friends, and at least one of them was a deep EA and nearly a PA. Part of him shutting completely down was to deny the jealousy exists/existed.
We were about to embark on this terrain in MC when he conventiently stopped going (I stopped going as well because I felt that the board and some private consultations with DB coach Laurie could keep me on track better).
In my opinion, putting a slant to give him something to be jealous about would be the death knell for our M. When I ceased contact with my childhood friend/POM, he disbelieved that I could or would do that.
I have to uphold honor here, because I am fairly certain underneath all this fluff is a guy who has felt insecure because of my friendships with men (which I see clearly now). Integrity and faithfulness are, in my opinion, the high road.
Besides, my D9 is on the same frequency with me. She would be very distraught if she knew that I was misleading him and would undoubtedly spill the beans.
He has NEVER demonstrated jealousy. Which leads me to believe that he suppresses any and all reactions to that little green monster.
So, yes, right now I am "stuck" (for lack of a better word). Plus I will add that I'm only in this position because it is a choice--for now.
I'm nearing the end of my tether with him. He's been avoiding thinking at length, and it's time for him to figure out which way he wants to go. I feel that I've given him plenty of time to think, most of which he has neglected to use to his or our benefit.
I don't feel as if I'm in any haste to make any decisions, but I'm hoping that he sees some urgency in attempting to do so. I promise not to push or force confrontation (DB for me, because I am a shark and thrive on conflict)...
So shall we just keep swimming?
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
