He's not 'in love' with me

[CallaghanClown]

Today I did some work on my rental properties with my dad. It was total escapism and I loved it. I then went to the property that my husband wanted to move into, I've decided it's not a good idea, I don't want him sleeping with other women in my house. When I got there I found mail in his name dating back to mid August. Before I even found out about his affair.

It was our plan to make it a crash pad for him during the week, as its close to his work. Obviously my head is telling me that he was planning to leave us though. I've decided not to mind read though. I've got the keys and he's not moving in there. He'll have to rent somewhere else.

We have marriage counselling tomorrow. Our first since he moved out. Then we are going to sit down and sort out our finances. I've had bailiff letters and unpaid bills etc since he left. I guess this is all part of the reason he'd got so depressed, he obviously wasn't dealing with the bills he said he was and now we are in a right mess.

I'll have to break it to him tomorrow that he's not moving into one of my houses, I may think I'm being petty but its not good for my mental health to think about him with another woman.

I met with him this morning to collect some documents and the keys for my house, I was pleasant as ever but left in a hurry. He then called me and asked if I'd like to get lunch together. I politely declined as I didn't have time, but took it as an improvement...we'll just have to wait and see if it was.

My husband told our 4&6 year old girls that he loved me but wasn't in love with me last night, I was totally shocked as were they. It took me all night to calm them and me down and explain to them what he'd meant. How do you explain this though? Daddies having a MLC? Daddy is having an affair with a 19 year old? Thank god I've got a sensible head and would never break their hearts in such a way. They've been through enough, they need time just like I do.

I'm still lost about what approach to take with the marriage counsellor. I have visions of her asking if I want to work on the marriage and obviously I do or I wouldn't be here, but to be truthful I don't want him back, I want the loving beautiful husband I fell in love with back.