Don't keep letting her bully you into getting what she wants. Have that go through your legal counsel. If she keeps bullying you and you give in, she will keep doing it.
Bond, it's hard for me to grasp the flow of their interactions. But on Mother's Day, she was sharing HER time with him. I don't know why there was a problem with Bruce/Brahim on that.
I can see they both seem edgy when they talk. And Bruce, your insistence that things like blame be equally apportioned has gotten you nowhere.
Bruce, It's the same stance you always took.
I'm glad you are doing some things differently, like waiting 24 hours before responding. And finally really liking your time with your son.
Are your parents there with you now? Living there or visiting?
As for the order of the divorce filing, 1) I am not sure why this matters, and
2) I do recall Bruce filing at one point, because he felt his wife was keeping their son from him.
I don't know if she technically filed a custody order or a divorce filing first, or if he did. But this tit for tat is just silly.
Who cares?
Refer your disputes to the lawyers until you BOTH can sit down and not get too flustered. I would not make it a dinner b/c that makes it seem forced and as if you want her to commit to time with you and that makes her uncomfortable.
IF it does not, if she becomes comfortable with a dinner or lunch with you, don't play a game with her. Don't pretend that you are new friends without a past.
But show her that you are NOT the tempermental irritable petty person you sometimes sound like here.
NO MORE MEASURING BLAME even if she does.
Model accountability for her & Stop making her "just as" wrong.
And when she is telling you her complaints,
BE GRATEFUL for the feedback. Instead of defending yourself,
tell her that "IF you had it all to do over again, you would do many things differently"...
That shows you understand the need for change in YOU and regret about your mistakes, without being a doormat.
At some point once you have told her all the regrets you have, specifically so she can KNOW you really truly "get it",
then you can later on tell her "W, I apologized for X back in the autumn. I still regret it but I prefer focussing on our future raising son now. Can we move forward, since I promise you I have not forgotten my many errors,
OR do you want to talk about them some more?" She will let it go when she thinks there has been some resolution.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Hi fellows, how is every one, she is going up and down, she wants me not to take him out of town, just said no problem.
When you say "out of town", what do you mean?
Most divorce or custody papers do NOT let a parent remove the child from an area, without the consent of the other parent. That's pretty standard Bruce.
Don't want to go into conflict any more just declared with her. Jus not worth, she keeps bring so much of noise. Is "noise" what you call it when she tells you something NOT positive? Do you treat her as if all that she tells you is "noise" to you?
Maybe it's the language problem, but it sure sounds like you don't respect her.
And we just don't have a heathy way for me to hear what she thinks and I have just started emailing her only present issues
Sounds true. You don't have a healthy way to hear her OR how to "table" a topic for later when you are BOTH calmer.
But the thing is, it's up to YOU to get healthy ways to hear her. That's your duty. She's trying to communicate but you seem to shut her out (the "noise") when it isn't positive. So,
You need to learn how to hear her. Are you seeing a professional about it? What are YOU doing to learn how to hear the mother of your child?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
So few things have changed ! She asked for a court date. This Thursday, I asked her to settle out of court. She proposed a 100% custody if child with 2 days a mth which is one weekend p/ mth, she aggreed for 2 wkd. What bothers is her 100% custody I like 50 % and which is status co.
M - 39W- 38 M - 4 yr,Date-4 mths Son - 2 yr day care S - 9/12 Divorced- 10/10/13 Visits with son other week Working on myself & son,co-parent,change,assertive,alpha/beta, entrepeurneur,care,heal,centered
How can you tell? I can't decode. Bond, please explain what was proposed and all that.
Also, Bruce, when you say you want to settle out of court, I can't help but think you want her to be alone with you again. Is that it?
I would veer away from that for now. If you have been getting him two weekends a month, why would that change?
Also, is it primary physical custody she wants or "total full" or what? You say she wants 100% custody but then you say she wants to share him...which is it?
Many times couples have "joint" custody and decide issues together (like health and schooling for the child...)
but one parent has the child a bit more (or a lot more).
I'm not clear on what you are saying is happening.
Please try saying it again for me. Thanks
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
25 ,thanks for the reply, I am not Bruce. We have a joint custody for 1 year and she was not following things. And she constantly had excuses. Towards the end , she asked for a court hearing. Before that she asked me indirectly saying I still see that you havnt called off on the intial divorce filing. I said if you want to talk about it let's talk. She did not come and talk. Time passed and i was not arguing or demanding things. She sends me court date. Now when I got the court date , I asked her can we settle the case with out the trial and all the discovery and lot of useless waste of emotional toll on all. She agreed to come up with an a 100% custody and 1 wknd/ month that is 2 days a month. I asked for joint custody and she being the primary care giver and 4 days a month. She aggred for 4 days a month and wants full custody. I texted her saying its not fair, I am his biological father. Not sure why she is stuck on full custody. She says that's my final offer other wise we will go to trial i said, it for the benifits of the kid that we need to have joint custody with her being the primary care giver.
M - 39W- 38 M - 4 yr,Date-4 mths Son - 2 yr day care S - 9/12 Divorced- 10/10/13 Visits with son other week Working on myself & son,co-parent,change,assertive,alpha/beta, entrepeurneur,care,heal,centered
Your W has been trying to squeeze you out of your rights for a long time and even tried to limit your interactions with your D and berated you at every turn.
From what I've seen you've been nothing but understanding and accommodating through your situation and had taken steps to really understand your W and change.
Because she's been trying to reduce your interaction with your son even more, get legal representation and see what you are entitled to.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Sorry. I found your thread titled with my name on it, and you sure sounded like Big Bruce from France. But if you're not him, then I cannot comment b/c I don't know your backstory.
We have a joint custody for 1 year and she was not following things. And she constantly had excuses. Towards the end , she asked for a court hearing. Before that she asked me indirectly saying I still see that you havnt called off on the intial divorce filing. I said if you want to talk about it let's talk. She did not come and talk. Time passed and i was not arguing or demanding things. She sends me court date. Now when I got the court date , I asked her can we settle the case with out the trial and all the discovery and lot of useless waste of emotional toll on all. She agreed to come up with an a 100% custody and 1 wknd/ month that is 2 days a month. I asked for joint custody and she being the primary care giver and 4 days a month. She aggred for 4 days a month and wants full custody. I texted her saying its not fair, I am his biological father. Not sure why she is stuck on full custody. She says that's my final offer other wise we will go to trial i said, it for the benifits of the kid that we need to have joint custody with her being the primary care giver.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Your W has been trying to squeeze you out of your rights for a long time and even tried to limit your interactions with your D and berated you at every turn. See? I don't recall Bruce having a daughter. Must be the wrong guy
From what I've seen you've been nothing but understanding and accommodating through your situation and had taken steps to really understand your W and change.
Because she's been trying to reduce your interaction with your son even more, get legal representation and see what you are entitled to.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Yes, she texted me the other day saying what's in her heart.she said she was shocked and did not want thing to go this way. I went to her and knocked her door she didnot open. I waited and went back 2nd time , texted her that I love her and want a happy family back.
M - 39W- 38 M - 4 yr,Date-4 mths Son - 2 yr day care S - 9/12 Divorced- 10/10/13 Visits with son other week Working on myself & son,co-parent,change,assertive,alpha/beta, entrepeurneur,care,heal,centered
