From your closed post Bets: Why can't this guy just validate and say wow?

I think I have several reasons. To a P/A man, validating you is the same as saying you are right. And they do not want you to be right. Giving comfort is seen as bowing to your manipulation and control. (She is acting like this or saying this so I will go over and hug her and I will not be controlled) Truly you can't win. Giving affirmation is very hard for these people BUT they need affirmation more than anyone else. Notice on your phone call: Mr W says: oh poor me I am tired and never get to do anything fun yada yada . Which is your cue to baby him, NUTURE him.But when you were needing a little hug for dealing with a down computer....hell no...lets talk about what is wrong with Bets etc. How DARE she need me, I don't want to be needed,She needs to be strong.....

You can't win and if you ever get that hug they remember it as 28 hugs and so you owe them bigtime.

This played over and over in my marriage and I jsut never got it. How do you stop it? Well, when they are in a nice mood you have to coax it out of them: oh honey I am just feeling blue and need a hug from my main man to make me smile. You hold his feet to the fire and say exactly what you need from your man. But that only works when he is feeling loving towards you...like back in the good old days.
Now...he thinks, why should I hug HER when I want to be hugged instead?

I am down today Bets. I didnt' like the way depositions went. I don't like lawyers. My husband lied. My lawyer didn't ask the questions I wanted asked. He asked what he wanted to know..but hell I already knew the answers to those questions. And he had no idea why I wanted certain things asked and it was just frustrating.

In the depositions Jim lied . He wants half of what I built and he's already taken most of it....but not before ruining it by selling it off for half price.

He wants allof what he built...his career. And I am supposed to get a new career..because being wife and mom and managing house and investments 24/7 for 25 years isn't enough....and the 5 houses I built...well he says he built them too (not) and they should be split. But i see it different. Tell me how you like this analagy because I am giving it to divorce lawyer to use in mediation.

A story: Two people are partners and one says he wants to work only 4 days a week BUT he is willing to work until age 65. One says she does not want to work past age 52 but she will work two jobs for 12 years. And the money she earns from one of the jobs is equal to her partner's salary.
The other job's pay will go into a FUND and when she reaches age 52, she will take money out of the fund to match her partner's 4 day a week earnings.

BUT, when she reaches 52, the partner kicks her to the curb and says: ok, lets divide the assets. All our saved money (including what was put away from the second job)is divided and then I go my way and keep my career and you get to start work again.

Well, that is how it feels. In Colorado, the stay at home mom' job counts as equal. So, had I not built those 5 houses I would get half of everything WE had saved and invested over those years...wouldn't have been all that much . NOW I'd have energy maybe to build some houses. BUt I built my houses way back when ....and the sale of the houses is the product of MY work in the past, just like the money X commands now at the pinnacle of his career is the product of his work.

Wordy, sorry....I am very frustrated. If I get screwed too badly in this d, I will spend a lot of time seeking revenge. And I will get it. Why would he wantthat?

I'm kinda down. Mediation is in less than 3 weeks.
Linda