I think many times people move on to a second marriage and bring the same 'ol problems with them and wonder why the new marriage is failing. For sure DB'ing helps with that.
This is absolutely true. The way I think of things right now between W and I is that neither of us are really healthy enough for a relationship at this point, so it actually makes sense that we're S. Both people need to be at a healthy place before entering into a mature, loving relationship. Part of moving on for me will be completely accepting of whatever path W takes and not holding any grudges or resentments against her. What good would any of that do anyhow?
Originally Posted By: chasingpavements
Hopefully we can come out of it in the end with a fair perspective on everything.
I wholeheartedly agree. One of my goals right now is to reach some sort of objectivity about all of this. I know I'm automatically biased just by being "a side" in the relationship. To truly grow I believe we need to find a place closer to objective truth where we can see our own faults as they are, be honest about them and not try to hide from them.
Originally Posted By: chasingpavements
Chicken or Egg would also be a great title for a book I am not sure what context you were using that expression, but I think of that "chicken or egg" question a lot in different scenarios. For example, my H thinks that I don't trust him. Now is it that I don't trust him because he seems to be pulling away from me and I am wondering why, or is he pulling away from me because he feels that I don't trust him?
Funny how we have the same thing going on. Another copntext where we have it is that my W complains that she doesn't feel at peace around me or that I'm not calm. For right now at least I think a lot of this has to do with the fact of the sitch we're in. In other words, if we weren't in the process of getting D, we'd likely be more at ease with each other. If the children weren't in the midst of having their family broken up and we both wanted to work on R, things would likely be more calm. Maybe I'm wrong, but what a conundrum!
ETC
"Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
I am not sure what context you were using that expression, but I think of that "chicken or egg" question a lot in different scenarios. For example, my H thinks that I don't trust him. Now is it that I don't trust him because he seems to be pulling away from me and I am wondering why, or is he pulling away from me because he feels that I don't trust him? 