Thanks, everyone. As the title of this thread says, I wouldn't give nothing for my journey now. And I wouldn't, no matter what the result.
I was drawn to DB because of one of the basic premises, it you change yourself, those around you change.
And that has happened.
But you have to change for you, the change can't be based on the other person. It can't be a strategy. It has to come from deep in the soul.
I told my H something I have said here. He gave me a great gift when he left because it forced me to really look at me and evaluate my life and who I wanted to be. I knew in his walking away I was losing something really important.
I was a very unhappy person and I didn't want to be that, so I changed.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
You know what Bug? I'm starting to feel that now that I know what this journey is bringing me... I wouldn't trade it either.
:-) xxx
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
LaBug..you are so wise and have helped so many. I remember when you posted to me once or twice..you really got me thinking..in a good way. Congratulations, I managed to save my M, and I will never take it for granted again. We are in a good place now and as you and so many have said..we have been given a gift!
Just read your updates and also your post from a year ago. I see lots of similarities with my sitch. It ‘s been 15 months since the BD for me and we only spoke a few times on the phone and even less face to face. He also made no move to end the M even though we had a conversation about it back in April. He also wanted to be happy and I had a lot of negativity in me, so he didn’t want to live with it. According to him he is done and moving on with his life. Almost everything you wrote in the post from last year can be applied to my H. He also said multiple times that he didn’t want to hurt me. And now, we are doing this dance (which I’m starting to think is typical MLC behavior) when I start to be more verbal and nice in my replies to his e-mails, he goes back into his hole and gets silent for a while. He might think that I still have hope for a R and he doesn’t want to give it to me. When I become silent too, he re-appears.
I’m also a different person these days and I know that I’ve done (and still doing) all these changes for me. You are such an inspiration for me. I also have some difficulties in writing and sharing things here. I understand it, but please keep posting. I learn so much from you.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
My buddy Bugsy. I'm so happy for you. We started this journey almost at the same time. We cried together, we gave each other 2x4s, you now even speak my language . I bet you love bow tie pasta lol. You have worked hard to make this happen. You waited and had what it takes, patience, hope. There is something about you that I love. Not sure what it is? I will be here for you as for what I hear piecing is even more difficult, more work. But worth it. So show them how is done(don't be controlling).
I hope the newbies learn that there is hope. That is not finished till the LBS says it is. I'm happy.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
What a journey you have been on! Its great to hear that he his trying to reunite. You are an inspiration to many of us on this forum.
I am starting to realize that it will take a lot longer than I expected when I first started DB'ing, If she even decides that she would like another relationship it will be a long way down the road.
I only hope that I can have the strength that you have shown.
All the best!
H 37 WAW 32 S 4 (Autistic) S 2 Together 11 years Married 6 Bombshell Dec 1 2012 House sold, flying solo June 1 2013.
Bright, I think the best thing any of us can do is just let them go and create a life for ourselves. Do things you've always wanted to do, begin new a new hobby, learn a language really delve into something that is YOURS.
After "The Temp Check" last year, I was ready for the D. I took my ring off, I'm sure I wrote about that, and then he quit wearing his and that really sealed it. We were still friendly when we did see each other but I became free-er, if that makes sense. I was better than OK, my life was good and I knew that it would be what I made of it, nothing depended on him at that point.
People get freaked out about limbo but I never felt that I was in limbo because I was always moving forward.
Once you're able to shift your focus from the Spouse to you, things really turn around.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Oh one other thing, I'm having trouble sharing things because I'm now in a R with this man and feel protective of his privacy. I'll have to figure that out.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
. I bet you love bow tie pasta lol. You have worked hard to make this happen. You waited and had what it takes, patience, hope. There is something about you that I love. Not sure what it is?