A Fresh, New Day

[Pudmuddle]

My brain just won't just down the past few days. I think I am doing really well during the day and then at night I either wake up a lot with H and OW thoughts or I dream about it. MAKE IT GET OUT OF THERE! LOL

So this morning my H came upstairs twice. The first time I was reading DR book and he asked if the other dog had gone outside yet. I said "no, huh-uh".

Then the 2nd time, I had gone back to sleep because I ate some wheat yesterday that made my body ache, so I didn't sleep much. I had my eye cover on and he could tell I was sleeping. He just checked quietly and then walked away.

I felt like it was more of the same behavior from me, but I just didn't feel good this morning.

Curious update: H just texted me and said "Didja make it into work okay? you were still sleeping when I left"

He hasn't texted me in a long time, unless it's something logistical.

I immediately typed up a reply, "Oh, yeah. I ate some wheat bread yesterday, made my body ache and didn't sleep good. No more wheaties for me!"

Buuuuuuuuut....I think I'll just wait a while before I send it.

[Pudmuddle]

Oops, meant to say "My brain just won't SHUT down.." not just down.

lack of good sleep...zzzzzzzz

[Pudmuddle]

Since I sent that last message to my H, he sent back another text saying "Is that a food sensitive for you".

Interesting that he is continuing to text me...he has not been interested in texting to me about anything past two weeks.

I'm wondering if I got his brain working when I went "out" yesterday. Who knows?? Only the FOG knows.

Curiouser and curiouser.

[JayMan]

Take the advice I never do, and respond a LONG while later.

[Pudmuddle]

Yeah, I didn't do that. LOL

The only thing is I feel like if I get a little from him then I should be courteous, because I was NOT that way in depressive state. I could've care less when he texted or called. I'm just testing the waters to see what happens. As AS says 'don't make squirrely run away!'

"This is a test, this is only a test of the emergency broadcast system"

Geez Louise, can you tell I'm tired? I get even sillier when I'm tired.

[Maritimer]

Its wonderful that he is making an effort to communicate with you.

I find, as with myself, I am my own worse enemy. Negative thoughts of your spouse with another person just spiral into heartache. Its beyond your control.

Exercise and get some rest, your sounding silly

[Dragon Heart]

It is nice to see you have also had some nice positives. I know we are eager to respond to positives, but we need to be more mysterious. When I didn't respond to a text yesterday, my W called. I thought it would be rude to ignore both, so I answered the call. I'm glad I did.

I know what you mean about your thoughts running away from you. Mine are all over the place. From choosing to believe she's alone and unhappy, to spending her time pursuing OM (no evidence at this time), all the way to some time in the future where she comes looking for me long after I left and moved on. Most of the time I try to understand how we got here. In my head, there's not a dull moment.

[Dragon Heart]

"Oh, yeah. I ate some wheat bread yesterday, made my body ache and didn't sleep good. No more wheaties for me!"

Do you know if you have a gluten sensitivity? It easily goes undiagnosed. There is a spectrum from uncomfortable to completely intolerant. I didn't know anyone with it a few years ago and now I know several. My W was diagnosed with it just last year.

[Pudmuddle]

I have been seeing a holistic nutritionist since May or so, and she found I have a wheat and dairy sensitivity. Not allergic but just sensitive to it. So yeah, I think so.

[Pudmuddle]

So to continue the day, my H called on my way home from work to ask if i was going to kickboxing or not, I said 'No probably not, since it was so nice out I wanted to take the dog for a jog.' H said 'ok' and then asked if I could pick up son later since his classes and h's class were at varying times. I said 'sure'.

When I went to pick son up, I was dressed in some of the hot clothes I purchased over the weekend. As I waited for my son I watched H's class and he noticed the clothes I was wearing cuz he kind of looked me over. Then I told him quickly about an accident on his route home, how it was blocking everything. Then S and I left.

When H came home I was watching a funny show with S, S went to bed and then I sat watching tv for about 10 mins then handed the remote to H and before I could leave he talked to me about how most of the bills were caught up and we were looking ok for the next few weeks. I said 'Ok sounds good'. Then before I could leave again he asked if my S and I were going to go see my mom over Thanksgiving or Christmas. I said 'I hadn't really thought about it'. He said 'Well I have some money I can set aside for that, would you like me to do that?' I said 'Yeah sure'.

It struck me as kind of odd that he was asking about that already and didn't really include himself in our plans. Makes me wonder if OW is asking him to plan something for those days...

He then followed me up and asked about some money I had spent over the weekend. I showed him the new rugs for the bathroom and blanket I had bought for the bed. He said. 'Oh yeah'. I thought he was leaving the room and then he came back in and kind of paused. Didn't say anything, but then watched one of our dogs walk into the room and then he left.

Very odd behavior. I am wondering if there is something he wants to say, but doesn't have the guts right now to bring it up. He is a conflict avoider, after all.

I'm just patient, friendly and doing my thing. SIGH