Should I confront or not?

[peaceSJ]

My H complained during our marriage life we didn't have satisfied sex life and was not intimacy, so he felt not being loved. I agreed that our sex life is not good and promised to change, but he said it is too late. I know he has OW now...

[peaceSJ]

I am so confused by my H's behavior. I show his proof that he has ow, but he still very firmly denied. He said he was very painful because he was unloved for so many years. It is nothing to do with ow.He stated it is not the ow caused our bad relationship .
I don't understand he wants divorce, then why he denied the affair even I has the proof?

[Starsky309]

Because all cheaters lie -- PERIOD.

You need to accept that, and stop trying to get him to admit it and just deal with the painful reality of it, and go from there.

Does it really change your strategy if he admits it or not, when you already know it's true anyway?

Starsky

[MrBond]

Going back to the issue about your sex life. Was the problems because of you? What was your sex life like?

I'm not saying that it's an excuse for him to fool around, but was this an issue that he brought up and you ignored him? Think about the little ways and comments he would say.

[peaceSJ]

You're right, MrBond. I think our main issue is our sex life. He brought it up before but just I didn't pay too much attention to it. Since we improved after we had kids, I thought we didn't have issue anymore. Just suddenly he dropped the bomb.
I guess nothing can change his mind now...

[peaceSJ]

Is the damage too deep to be fixed if it is caused by sex issue?

[MrBond]

No it's not too late.

"He brought it up before but just I didn't pay too much attention to it. "

Could you go more into detail about your sex life and what the issues were? Any other issues with your M?

[peaceSJ]

During the first couple years of marriage, we didn't have much sex because of me. I was kind of low driver. After having kids, we were better. Actually my H was kind at that time and he understood me. But now he said he was not happy at all and he was took for granted all the time. Besides that, the only issue we have is sometimes he wanted to buy some expensive items but I disagreed due to finance concern.
I explained the reasons to him but he still feels I don't care about him... I don't know anything I can do now...

[MrBond]

After you had kids, did you put all your effort into them? Were you pro-active in dating your H and encouraging him and took the initiative when doing things with him without the kids?

What about intimacy in the bedroom? Did you ever initiate sex or was it always your H?

[peaceSJ]

No, I think that's our problem. We were too busy, so we rarely did things together without kids. Also it was always my H initiating sex... So now he feels he was hurt... But I don't think I did it on purpose. I think both of us didn't put our efforts to realize the problem and tried to fix it. Now he doesn't want to, especially he has the OW.