Suckerpunch (the process)

[PatientMan]

HS,

I think your post was a bunch of mind-reading and unnecessary passive-aggressive...well...sucker-punches (for lack of a better term). Here's how I read it (counting the punches):

1) You have no empathy.
2) In fact, this is the most likely reason why your wife left you.
3) Since she left you, she has reached out to you to give you opportunities to reconcile, but since you're just so terrible at empathy you ruined all those chances too.
4) You may have a serious personality disorder, but probably not, so you probably can change. Probably. Isn't that good news?!?!?
5) Even though you never mentioned that you don't think you're at fault AT ALL for your marriage's demise, I'm going to act like you did and remind you that it was, in fact, all your fault.
6) Everything that happens in your life is your fault, so stop trying to shift the blame. Heck, a random stranger could walk up and stab you in a crowded street and it would be your fault. Start owning up to this!
7) I pity you, but even more so, I pity your daughter. If you won't change for yourself, please change for her.
8) Don't bother correcting any of the things I said that may be incorrect. Don't defend yourself. That won't bring your wife back. Sitting back and letting people who don't know you dog on you...THAT might get your wife back. So let me insult you repeatedly and you just sit there and take it.

I do not think you meant it that way, HopefulStill, but your post wasn't even directed at me and it still stung me. Perhaps I am missing some intentional irony in the very un-empathetic nature of a post lecturing another on empathy...

I'm not looking to start a fight, I just found that to be over the line.



To suckerpunch,

I'm not saying you're perfect, my friend, but I understand your feelings. I'm glad you came here to ask questions and I agree with others that have said the first thing you should think about is your daughter. If it's her birthday, then you have to suck it up and find a way to share time.

Make that a habit...to think of your your daughter first in every situation.

But I'm glad you asked! It means you're trying to be better, and that's what we're all after.

The feelings of anger will likely subside as you move on with your life. I can certainly understand why you're having them, just be sure they don't control you. HS is right about YOU being in control of YOUR happiness.

When I'm experiencing emotions that I don't like or know might lead to me acting in a manner I know I would regret, I do two things:

1) I start an internal thought process of examining where those feelings are deriving from. I think it both distracts me and makes me prove to myself if my feelings are valid and worthy of being acted on.
2) I pray and ask for to feel the peace I know He has to offer.

All the best,

-PM