If you mean where I said: "If W invites for coffee, etc, but there's no commitment to marriage is it useless? Is it the rule of accept some, but not all? I sorta feel like it's giving her cake and letting her eat it too. She gets to be buddies with me, and kids get to hang, so its like "Divorce ain't so bad!"



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^^^Mindreading, it never helps.
What do you want to do and can you do it without expectation? That's the question, see how it focuses on you, not her.

I don't want to do fake nice stuff. I don't want to be an hour a week dad. I don't think I can do it without expectation at this point, if I'm completely honest. However, regardless what I want, I know that right now time and space creates much more positive interactions. The problem is I'm only doing them in 3-4 day increments, and it's not enough. I THINK W misses me - again, we've never had a problem communicating as far as conversations, having fun. She even said the other day she likes me, and likes being with me. (Which to me is much more significant than fleeting lovey dovey junk)
So, the dim, as has been suggested by many, needs to happen, and probably for at least several weeks. Considering my D has over two months before another conference, and the actual trial wouldn't start until Jan 7, I have a bit more of a luxury of time.

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And why would it be useless? How do you define useless in this context?

Useless as in, is being "friends" accomplishing anything other than cake-eating if a divorce is proceeding, and when W specifically says, "I'm being nice so we can be friends after the divorce, and the kids can be together, but I don't think we can be married."
If she specifically isn't ready to work on the marriage, wouldn't it be wiser for me to stay out of the way? Or is any chance to have a positive PMA access worth taking, even if not every time?