Ambivalent, I don't mind answering questions at all, even repeating.
Our last child was born almost 20 years ago, so the complete lack of libido has been about that long. A few years after the birth, her sexual participation went to exactly zero. I have to laugh when I read that a sexless marriage is defined as one with low frequency, like 6 times a year. I still think that no sex in many years is yet another category. At least those who reconnect every month or two have some sort of familiarity and comfort with that activity with each other.
And what is my need? I'd say once a day on average. I'm OK skipping a day, but then it's fun to do 2-3 times the following day. Been pretty constant my whole life. I think my wife sees me as a sex-obsessed teenager in an adult man's body. She liked that focus when we first met, perhaps as a validation. But as often happens in a marriage, the very same quality that you first admired in your spouse is later the same quality you learn to hate. She accepts that I'm like that, and even buys me pin-up calendars to keep me happy, but she doesn't want any part of it herself.
I don't think she's ever successfully masturbated. She admitted as much when we first met, and I haven't seen any change since. Sure I've suggested a vibrator many times. See, the problem isn't my lack of suggestions. Rather, it's that she doesn't want to talk about it, and so it doesn't matter what the details are of what I bring up. Bringing up another fact is just me wanting to talk about that sex thing again.
As for just "giving" when she's not horny, I think she got just plain sick of giving me frequent HJ's for years, which is all I got for about 5 years. And then nothing. I can understand that on her part -- I mean she was getting nothing out of it. Very time consuming.
