Suckerpunch (the process)

[25yearsmlc]

I guess you believe your answer is some sort of compromise. But, between what? A kind fair response that puts your daughter's happiness above all else, and you yelling epithets at your wife?

I see no movement here, except you were polite.

As always, thanks everyone for the insights and advice. I decided to contact my STBXW with this reply to her request.

"I am going to have to get back to you about D birthday. You probably shouldn't make any concrete plans until I know what our schedule of events will be. I will let you know as soon as possible."

She went on to make a point that we will be sharing time with daughter for a long time, years and years. I said that I agreed,

You "agreed" and then you did nothing different...(I wonder how new that behavior is.)

Your wife made the point that WE are trying to make with you. Your position, evidently, is that if it's YOUR day, then no matter what else (Mother's day, your wife's birthday, your DAUGHTER'S Birthday, )

YOU think YOU "WIN"....but we're trying to show you that down the road IF NOT NOW, you will regret this choice. YOU will and so will your daughter.

OF course this isn't like any other day you are scheduled to have your daughter.

Of course you two should share it. Will it be awkward or inconvenient for YOU? Maybe so. It might well be. But you will have to deal with that b/c remember that your daughter is the priority.

Why make her choose between her parents on her birthday? That's what YOU are doing by making this so complicated. Have a party and let your wife come. And YES if she's got someone new in her life, they get to go too.

May "Seem tacky" but it happens all the time. The new person in your w's life seems important to her AND he makes a genuine effort to be kind to your d.

FOR ONE MINUTE think how awful it would be if he found your d annoying and inconvenient and did Not want to share your wife with her so that your d could feel rejected by her mom and "the new guy"....that happens more than you realize although usually it's with a OW and a WAH.

The kids suffer so much. But this OM happens to be good to your d. I KNOW that doesn't help your ego, but it has to mean something good to you.

Like I said, when our nanny loved my kids and they loved her, I sucked it up and thanked God that my kids had another adult giving them affirmations and support in growing up.

They never called her "mom" and your d won't call OM "daddy" either.



and that as soon as I knew what we were doing I would make some arrangements with her to see D.

Why not include the mother of your child, in deciding what to do for the birthday? Did that cross your mind?

YES we know this year it happens to fall on "YOUR" day but it is still the birthday for your d, not you. Why are you getting to choose everything? So proprietary of the time that ought to be shared. For me this is so clear.

So, think about this as something called CO-parenting...