Here is my question. Now that I know this is the case and my W is full steam ahead on the D, What do I do now?
There is an A in every single sitch. It may be a PA, or it may be an EA, or if neither of those than an IA- imaginary affair (the WAS imagines a new/ improved life with a special someone that's just waiting out there for them). But regardless, the WAS ALWAYS has some kind of A going on. It doesn't change anything other than the fact that you know about it now.
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How does this affect my D in the NY State divorce court.
You'll have to consult your lawyer, in most states there is no impact on D. Most states have given up trying to determine fault because you say she's having an affair, she says you did X, Y and Z that drove her to an affair. I don't blame them, it's too much to sort through.
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But I would love to get some satisfaction with a face to face with OM.
That's not satisfaction, it's revenge, and it will not help you get to where you need to be. In fact it'll likely set you way back on your journey.
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The thing that gets me though is, she was brought up Catholic and we go to church every Sunday. OM is also Catholic. So now, two supposedly God fearing individuals, have committed adultery and could seemingly care less.
100% of churchgoers are sinners. Some try to assign higher and lower values to certain sins, but that's of our own making, in God's eyes all sins are equally bad. I'm not sure why to some people an affair is a deal-killer, Christ said that if you think it in your mind it's just as sinful as if you committed it, and what married person (whether WAS or LBS) has not at least fantasized about an affair?
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They go to church and act like they are respectable participants but it is all just for show.
That's total mind-reading. I suspect they are both wracked with much more guilt then you give them credit for.
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After discovering EA/PA I can say that I am at a new level of detachment.
This is the kind of news that takes months to digest, so just step back and take a breath. You're likely still cycling, so just be patient.
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It still p!sses me off though now that it is confirmed.
= NOT DETACHED
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What would you all do about OM, particularly him and his kids coming over to our home while I am not there?
Nothing. OM is a symptom of your marital problems, not the cause. Any interaction you attempt with OM is just going to make your sitch worse. Possibly much worse. It's not unheard of for that to end in restraining orders and nights in jail.
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I would love to have a face to face with him and tell him where to go.
Work on that detachment! When you can see your W with OM out somewhere and just stop and say hello and chat briefly, then you're getting there. Yes, it's happened to me and yes, that's what I did and no, I didn't have an emotional meltdown afterwards.
