JP I totally get that being hypercritical is tied to low self esteem. I learned this from my mother. I noticed it in my H and submitted myself to much deriding and belittling in order not to make my H feel worse because clearly although he was handsome and smart and successful,

people who are happy in themselves hold their loved ones up.

they do not tear them down.

I felt bad for him, and I felt so strong that I could take it and be fine. But I wasn't fine. And even if I was fine, I deserved better. And his inability to get help looks like selfishness to me now.

Adinva 51, S20, S18
M24 total
6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out
9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50
5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend
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Happiness is a warm puppy.