Excellent! Enjoy it as a baby step, but drop the expectations!
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Sometime after we got home yesterday, things seemed to change a bit. She seemed to cool off and got a little distant compared to how things were over the weekend. That vibe continued this morning as we drove in to work and I wonder if the OM tried to contact her last night or if she was just thinking about being at work with him today.
It is totally normal for her to run hot and cold like that. DON'T mindread anything into it!! Just back off and give her time and space. She'll come back around. You should EXPECT her to come close and then push away, it will happen. And if you expect it, then when it does happen you'll just shrug your shoulders and keep on DB'ing.
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I did tell her that she can call me or a couple of her friends that I do trust to give her support if she needs it today. That seemed to irritate her a little but she accepted the advice.
Don't do that, you're applying pressure to her. You're basically telling her that something is wrong with her and she needs to get help on your terms. Just give her space, let her figure things out on her own.
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To my knowledge, she has not done much of that yet and is acting off of feelings and emotions. I don't think now is the time to introduce articles or books to her for fear of her seeing that as pressure but I do want her to develop a rational understanding of all this.
You are right that this is not the time, and you are right that she's operating off of emotions right now. You are wrong to expect her to "develop a rational understanding", that is part of HER journey and it will take a long time for her to get there. Be patient and let her take that journey herself. You cannot help her along that path. The more you try and intervene the longer it will take her to get there. I've used this analogy before, but if you were running a marathon and were nearing the finish, how would you like it if someone pulled alongside you in a car and offered to give you a ride the rest of the way?
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I worry that she may have unrealistic expectations of the road back. I think she'll have some pretty strong impulses to have some contact today and that coupled with the fact that the anniversary weekend away didnt 'fix' us may cause her to lose hope.
Yeah, that's what mind-reading does. It makes you worry about stuff you have no control over and that may not even be true. Quit the mind-reading.
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Since our anniversary is actually tomorrow, I did send her flowers at work. That was one of the areas she said she needed more from me on (cards, flowers, etc.) but it may be too much right now.
You've got to learn to do things like this with NO expectations!! You did it, now quit worrying about whether it's too much, or not enough, etc. Don't expect her to reciprocate. It's a one-way gesture. If she doesn't respond, no biggie. If she does, well then it's a bonus.
