2.25 Years, Moving Forward

[adinva]

Bug, you asked what was I thinking when he first texted me about the money, so I thought I'd answer that. It's fun to have some dialog here and get feedback.

So, I texted H "Just landed, home soon" and proceeded with my two rolling bags through the airport to the taxi stand and into the taxi and giving the taxi directions while following ensued...

He replied: "S13 does not know where his uniform is."
Then H wrote: "How much $ did u leave on the table. I never saw it and its gone. S15 and S13 did not see it either. The check for the maids is still on the dog cage."
What I thought was [heavy sigh], that was a lot of money and maybe it got stolen, an unpleasant thing to deal with coming home tired, and there will be lots of yelling and accusations and I don't want to deal with it when I want to be welcomed home by my family instead. That's what I was thinking.

I wrote: "Uniform where left last Thurs?"
And then: "I didn't do anything with it. Could go in regular clothes?" [now I'm thinking why is he bothering me with this because he has gone to scouts in regular clothes lots of times and I haven't been there in 3 days so I have no idea where he put it. And I'm thinking, calm down, happy thoughts, don't let this spoil coming home, it's not a big deal.]
And then: "I can't do anything about the $ now."
[meaning, if it's gone it's gone and if it's there it's there and nothing important is going to change during my taxi ride home.]

H wrote: "U can answer the question." [I turn the ringer off my cell phone]
Then H wrote: "S13 found uniform in van." [I still hear it vibrating]
Then he wrote: "How much money was left on the table?" [I realize he's just going to get more and more pissy unless I answer the question]

I wrote: "I left two work envelopes on kitchen table each with a $20. Each i wrote kid's name and 'for snacks, love mom' on the outside. I do not want to walk in after 3 days to be faced with a problem ok"

He wrote "OK"
Then "With that information I was able to find the money."
[I'm thinking, with that information *I* was able to find the money too, after I got home, why is he even involved in this?]

I wrote "Awesome." [thinking, ahhhh, happy we did not have $40 stolen.]

He wrote "All you had to do was answer the question." [I turned my phone off and spent 30 seconds trying to get my brain to stop calling him a jerk.]

I expected to find him there when I got home but no one was there. The two envelopes were set on the kitchen table.

Communicating with him just seems so hard. It's like, I don't even have a chance to be wonderful, understanding, and compassionate like I feel about him when I'm NOT interacting with him. He absolutely is not this big of a jerk to outsiders, but he is to me and to the kids. Not to the kids when they were young but about when they hit schoolage.

My IC is nudging me to hit this head-on with him and tell him when he's being inappropriate and intrusive, because she says it will get worse. I feel like with more distance he can be however he feels like being and I won't care.