I know in the long run, staying on the high road is the best approach. The hard part about this is the line I have to walk. I don't want to give her the satisfaction of seeing me lose my cool. But I would love to get some satisfaction with a face to face with OM. I know there is nothing positive to gain from that.
The fact that OM is now confirmed, somehow gives me some peace of mind though. What I mean by this is, I have a renewed sense of confidence that my gut feelings were correct regarding OM. I also have a better sense of how to proceed. I have been trying to accommodate her a bit too much during all this. I have little motivation left for accommodation.
I, like a lot of LBS's, have been trying to figure out why a S would do this to their family. I understand that the OM can be like an addiction and there is nothing I can do to change her mind about it. She either will or she wont.
Now that I know about the two of them, my thoughts have started to wonder about the next steps I must take. If she wanted to come back now, I could not take her back. Cheating goes against everything I believe in, morally and otherwise. I have read that it is forgivable, I just don't see how at the moment. I will cross that bridge if I ever get to it.
The thing that gets me though is, she was brought up Catholic and we go to church every Sunday. OM is also Catholic. So now, two supposedly God fearing individuals, have committed adultery and could seemingly care less. They go to church and act like they are respectable participants but it is all just for show. I suppose they need God now, more than ever.
I have recently asked God to take the blinders off of me so that I may see things as they really are. Wow! What an eye opener. Be careful what you wish for. I am grateful that my eyes are now open so I can move forward with no regrets. In the end, I will be able to sleep at night, knowing that I did my best to save my M.
I have thought I was fairly detached from W. Staying lovingly detach the best I could. After discovering EA/PA I can say that I am at a new level of detachment.
I have felt guilt about my part in our crisis and I know I was not perfect. But, no one deserves to be treated this way. I have always believed that cheating on someone, married or not, is the worst thing you could possibly do to someone. In love, there are no guarantees.
For the moment, I am content for some reason. I think it is because, thanks to all of you here who have shared your stories and MWD, and reading DR DB, I can understand what MLC/WAS is all about. I can see now why they say to read all you can about MLC.
Once you know what MLC/WAS is all about and what choices you have, you can make better decisions for yourself. You are able to choose how to best react/respond to your MLCer.
