on the edge...

[dingo]

Well - the weekend went great. It was almost like we put our recent issues out of our minds and just enjoyed time with each other. We had a lot of fun and a lot of good conversation. I didn't feel any stress being with her and I did not get the impression that she did being with me. She was very affectionate with lots of hand holding, and cuddling through the nights. We did end up ML a couple of times and while it wasn't quite as passionate as in the past, it wasn't all that far off. I did make a point to tell her that I didn't want to do anything she didn't feel comfortable with.

Sometime after we got home yesterday, things seemed to change a bit. She seemed to cool off and got a little distant compared to how things were over the weekend. That vibe continued this morning as we drove in to work and I wonder if the OM tried to contact her last night or if she was just thinking about being at work with him today. Of course this change in attitude from her makes me pretty anxious but I tried not to let that show. I did tell her that she can call me or a couple of her friends that I do trust to give her support if she needs it today. That seemed to irritate her a little but she accepted the advice.

I realize that this is the roller coaster ride and while I can accept that she won't always be as she was this weekend with me, I hope that she can keep her mind clear this week with respect to the OM. I also worry about her expectations. I have done a lot of reading and received a lot of support from people (including you folks here) and have learned to temper my expectations. To my knowledge, she has not done much of that yet and is acting off of feelings and emotions. I don't think now is the time to introduce articles or books to her for fear of her seeing that as pressure but I do want her to develop a rational understanding of all this. I worry that she may have unrealistic expectations of the road back. I think she'll have some pretty strong impulses to have some contact today and that coupled with the fact that the anniversary weekend away didnt 'fix' us may cause her to lose hope.

Since our anniversary is actually tomorrow, I did send her flowers at work. That was one of the areas she said she needed more from me on (cards, flowers, etc.) but it may be too much right now. We are also supposed to go out to a nice dinner but maybe I will let her take the lead on whether we go or not.