It sounds like you just need a break, from him for a little while. You'd been talking the last couple of weeks about NEEDING to have this chat, then wack yourself with the 2X4!!
Try to give yourself a solid week or two of NC. For your own piece of mind maybe? Somehow you let those expectations creep in again maybe? I don't really feel like its cake eating per say, but he's been to available to you maybe?? Heck I dunno.
If you can slow your mind down somehow, give it a little bit of time, I think your going to give yourself some clarity. DONT try to figure things out in the next few days or week. I think you can freely admit right now your making some emotional decisions, and having regrets about them.
Whats rule #12? GET BACK TO IT!! When you had that strength before, I don't think it was even a façade, but you did some mind reading, let expectations come back into your mind, and viola!! Here you are again. I've read so many times, in so many places that its when we've decided to move on our WAS decides they wanna try again, and its ususally too late. But it comes from really being done, not from a place we're still trying to convince ourselves of something not quite there yet.
I'm guilty of his myself, we all are, at least most of us. DB'n doesn't come naturally to most of us. It takes time, but its not like its a calendar schedule type thing, we can say ok im gonna be in such a place in 6 months, and in another 6 months i'll be in this other place. It takes what it takes, for each of us. Whats the general rule, one month for each year your together? If that's true, you still have some time that your going to be living the life of a DB'er. You'll get there.
Its time to get those damn 37 rules out again, re-read them for the umpteenth million time. And put them to use. So you had a minor, yes minor backslide. But you keep forgetting that YOU get to decide when your done, NOT HIM. You made your apology for acting out emotionally, but don't dare for a second regret that you did what you needed to do for YOUR piece of mind. That's how we get there eventually, we have to ask the tough questions for ourselves, we just cant let the answers dictate how we're gonna respond.
