Hi. I am new and looking forward to getting some advice. Here is a summary of my situation.
I have been with H for 15 years, married for 7. We have three little boys (4, 3, 10 months). H has been having EA for over a year. I have a gut feeling that it may have moved to PA but no proof. However, my gut has not been wrong yet.
H works with the OW. H started going out drinking with co-workers, including OW in July 2012. Got a DUI with OW in car in August 2012. OW got a separate DUI in April 2013. H continued his erratic behavior and tons of lies for the past year. We started MC in May 2013, but it was clear that he did not want to be there. In July 2013, I saw a message from OW to H starting with "babe..." H admitted EA. I got the ILYBNILWY speech. He said that he was confused and needed time to think. In August 2013, I found phone records showing how much they had been talking/communicating.
I spent the first two months completely devastated. I no longer knew H and could not believe how cold he was acting and his blatant disregard for my feelings. I did everything wrong (crying, pleading, begging). I would be fine for a week and then backslide. Over the past couple two weeks, I have made some major improvements. I have learned that I cannot change H and cannot walk his journey for him. However, I can be in control of my own happiness.
I am proud to say that I have now officially gone over a week without a backslide. I know that sounds pathetic but it is a big deal for me, especially since I see H on a daily basis due to the kids. I also have to see H more due to driving restrictions from his DUI (I am trying to ensure that I am not enabling him/going out of my way verses making sure the kids see H).
I also realized this morning that not only have I not cried in front of H, but I have actually not shed one tear in over a week. This is huge since I was crying my self to sleep every night just a few short weeks ago. I have focused all my attention on taking care of myself and the boys . . . and guess what I feel a million times better. My interactions with H this weekend were also much more positive.
