Looking for New Options If H Wants Divorce

[MyNewStrength]

I have not heard from my H is over a week and he email today.

Just finished cleaning up the deck. Check my phone and a notice that I received an email from H. I have not read it and I am pretty sure that it must be bravado in him wanting a D and spewing about the PSA. I am not sure if I should read or respond???

n my visit to my IC yesterday, I told her about the emails from this past Monday and that I had not responded. She was encouraging me to send a response back to him because he may get more enraged about the fact that I am NOT working on HIS timeline.

[MrCAS]

If your H becomes enraged, that is his issue, not yours.

I have gone through stuff about timelines with my W. I don't let it bother me. I no longer feel a need to subscribe to her needs and wants. I have enough of my own stuff to deal with.

So do you.

[MyNewStrength]

I inadvertently read it as it came on my work email. No hope..

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EMAIL FROM HUSBAND:
You can't imagine how disappointed I am in you for simply breaking off communication with me. It's not clear to me what you're trying to accomplish. Regardless, time marches forward.

I plan to cancel all the utilities at the house next weekend. I will let each company know that you intend to continue service in your name. I will contact: Lawn Service, Verizon, Gas, Power, Water, and auto insurance. I was honestly hoping to do this collaboratively, to avoid a break in service for you, but it doesn't seem that you're willing to work with me. The home insurance will remain in my name because the mortgage is in my name for now.

I also wanted to talk to you about you picking-up or cost-sharing the mortgage on the house, until you refinance or we sell it.

I plan to come by the house to pick up more belongings, bills, and some furniture for the apartment. Since you won't engage with me on how we will divide the assets, I'll simply take what I need/want and we'll have to deal with it later. I'll be bringing (best friend) with me when I come by.

I'm still willing to be your friend through this, to be helpful and supportive. I want to be able to answer your questions and help you make decisions that are in your best interest. But we have to be able to communicate for that to happen. You have to communicate for that to happen. You don't have to prove to me how difficult we could make this if we wanted to, I know that all too well, and I'm sure that through this process we could both be very hurtful to each other if we wanted to be...but to what end? What does that buy either of us in the end?

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[MyNewStrength]

^^ Bump - Help -I don't know what to do or if I should respond.

[Wonka]

Strength,

I'm sorry for your pain at this latest development.

You do need to respond to H's email. For starters, why don't you compose a draft and post it here for feedback, comments, and input.

We're here to support you!

[MyNewStrength]

Here is my first draft for a response to him. Comments?:

Husband

I will not be making any rash decisions about my future. Therefore, if you wish this divorce to be amicable, you would be well advised to stop bullying me while I catch my breath. I would like to get a PSA in place by the holidays.

I am going to take my time to research my choices and the more you pressure, the less likely I am to cooperate with you or even stay in contact with you.

Please remove your illusions that I want to be married to the man you are. I am taking my time to grieve the man you killed off, that I loved, who was good and kind - I recognize he is lost and I'm coming to terms that he is not coming back.

There are still components of the PSA that we need to discuss to make it all fair and equitable.

[JayMan]

Wow. I think it's great. Some might say something about your line 'remove your illusions' but I think it's unbelievably powerful.

[AnotherStander]

I think it's way too heavy-handed and is stooping to his level. Here are my suggested changes:

Husband

I will not be making any rash decisions about my future. Therefore, if you wish this divorce to be amicable, you would be well advised to stop bullying me while I catch my breath. All of this is a lot for me to deal with and I need time to process it all, I hope you understand and can be accommodating. I would like to get a PSA in place by the holidays.

I am going to take my time to research my choices and the more you pressure, the less likely I am to cooperate with you or even stay in contact with you.

Please remove your illusions that I want to be married to the man you are. I am taking my time to grieve the man you killed off, that I loved, who was good and kind - I recognize he is lost and I'm coming to terms that he is not coming back.

There are still components of the PSA that we need to discuss to make it all fair and equitable.

He's obviously trying to provoke you with his thinly veiled threats, don't fall for it. Remember to always take the high road. Behave in a way that you will always be proud of when looking back in the future.

[Wonka]

Strength,

Try to be objective here...does your draft email come across as angry, petulant, downer to you? Does this type of communication bring you closer to the goal? No? Right.

You want to appear cool, calm and collected in your communications with H. Best to keep emails short and fact-based. Try using what I call my Spock-talk by keeping your emotions at bay and just talk facts only. Focus on the nuts and bolts of the asset division.

Strength...is it true that the mortgage is in H's name only? Not joint holders of the mortgage?

Here's a suggestion:
________________________________
H,

Thank you for your email. I am sorry that you feel disappointed and can understand why you might feel that way.

I appreciate you letting me know that you'll be contacting the utilities to cancel them and I'll follow up with them to transfer them to my name.

In regard to the cost sharing of the mortgage, what do you have in mind?

Before picking up any items from the house, I would ask that you please write up a list of items that you want for the apartment and send it to me. We both need to come to an agreement on this point to ensure that these are sorted out satisfactorily for us. After we've agreed to the division of furniture, then we can set up a day and time for you to come by to pick them up.

Thank you,
Strength

[Wonka]

Whoops...totally overlooked the PSA part. Silly me. I'd use AS' PSA version and insert that after the utilities part.