Fly, thanks for the reality check; I am much more likely to release my frustration and crap on here, just to vent; it really doesn't accurately show how I feel day to day. And you're almost completely right on every count.
I'll specifically address your question about changes in me, specifically control, not caring enough about what hurt W, etc:
1. W got mad about me not picking up S5 after planning to. Normally, I would've told her to quit being a drama queen, and to stop making every situation into a fiasco, and then not done it just to make a point to her. This time, I explained how I thought she might have misunderstood my intentions, and then offered a compromise where he could go.
2. I was playing with W's new phone, and she started talking to me about something about work. I had actually started playing it before she started talking. Before, I would've just said, "Look, I was playing this first, and you interrupted. There is no need to be mad." Instead, I closed the phone, set it down, turned to face her, and said, "I'm sorry, that was rude, I'm listening fully to you."
3. If W didn't feel good, I'd be like, "I go to work sick, so you'll have to suck it up." She didn't feel good tonight, and I had all the kids, so I texted her to ask if she wanted a milkshake from the place we were going, and got her one.
Baby steps to be sure, but they were genuine and from the heart, not even practicing DB, although DB showed me the way!
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I hung out a lot with the kids today, it was a lot of fun. W had been up most of the night with some bad food, so I took them so she could sleep, and man, do those kids love each other. I texted her about a milkshake as mentioned above, and got her one. It was funny - I was joking around, and told her that I deserved a kiss or something for it, and she was like "fine". I about choked. I took the kids back and was helping her fold some laundry as she was feeling a lot better, just chatting, and just leaned over and kissed her. I even paused "going on" to make sure I wasn't forcing it or anything. It's the first time we've kissed in about 6 weeks. I walked out of the room, and was checking on kids, and when I came back, I could see through the crack and she had this big smile on her face. I walked in, and she said, "Doesn't mean I felt anything." Sigh, WASes always spoil the fun. We sat and watched some TV together, and I laid with my head on her lap, and she was OK with it; just laughed with me at the show, and joked around.
She did bring up some D talk with the conference tomorrow; she asked me a few questions about my attorney which was weird, but I figured she'd meet him tomorrow. I said something like this not being the only route, and she said she still would consider dismissing it, but if I were to ask her right then, she'd say no. I told her that seemed odd since she was so adamant about things not working out between us, so what would change her mind, and she said, 'Time. God'. She also said it's gonna take at least a few months, so it's not like we have to rush anything. I just said, "That's cool". I got the kids and left.
We probably should have done a smaller dose of time this weekend, especially with W not feeling well, because I could tell she was getting a little stressed and frustrated with the D talk at the end. Glad I left before she got too peeved. It's weird.
