So I went for a long jog/walk with my dog. Said g'morning to everyone I saw, then stopped and talked to a woman about her greyhound dog. Beautiful animal.
I am feeling better now, and it stopped me from doing something I regret.
When my H told me he was going out to 'watch a football game' I merely replied "ok, have fun!".
Then when he and S16 were leaving to go riding, he was getting the dog ready on his collar and I said 'I was going to take him out for a walk now'. Cuz normally he takes him with him when they ride. he said 'oh how long are you going to be gone?' I said 'I dunno'. cuz I really didn't. Anyhoo, when he was getting the collar on the dog, I leaned in and gave him a big kiss on the cheek. I know I'm not supposed to do that right now, but if felt right and he actually leaned into it and then patted my back when I did it. small positive or maybe wishful thinking.
So I took the dog outside and he was following me saying "well we are just going out to the aurora track and I'm not gonna ride, my hip is still hurting". Seemed like he was waiting for me to feel sorry for him. I just said 'Oh is it still hurting?' He said 'Yeah, it's better but I just don't want to do any more to it'.
Then I left.
Now I am going to get purdied up and go out, somewhere. Don't really have lunch plans but just need to get out and have fun. Maybe bookstore browsing, looking around in shops or something. I need to look for a comforter cover. Just be out and out long enough to not see him leave today.
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
I can see from your posts that you were feeling some anxiety and depression. I know how it feels. Every time I try to escape it, I seem to be drawn back in. Walking helps. I'm glad to see you were able to pull yourself out of it a bit and handled things better than you had indicated earlier. You know your sitch better than anyone, but it still seems like you might be trying to rush things and doing things that might seem like pushing. Believe me, I know how hard it is. December is when I last ML to my W; March is when we last kissed; and June is when we last hugged. I'm haunted by the memories. But I also know if I were to approach for a hug or lean in for a kiss, it would not be received well. As painful as it is to accept, our WAS need to meet us half way or the R will never work. I remain standing in the middle of the bridge, flowers in hand, waiting for my W. I can't help but feel some days that I will be left waiting.
Good job Pud. The feelings come in waves. So now is time to look pretty. Happy. Get out and talk to people even strangers ( just be careful). I used rude my bike when I felt that I couldn't breath from the fear. Got in pretty good shape. Went fishing flew my model planes. Called people went to church. Last year I started flirting with females. I did what I could to forget my stich it really helped. You can do this.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Well, Pud, you did good getting out and going for a walk! And did good on NOT telling H how you feel right now.
I actually have used that phrase "stop pretending like we're in a real marriage", etc. with my H and it was NOT well-received. I do not recommend it! Lol.
My H never came home from work this morning, and is currently at a buddy's house watching football, after I asked him yesterday to spend more time with me and the kids...so yes, I understand, it HURTS! And, it's not fair.
And this whole patience thing STINKS! But, you are doing such a good job...don't backslide now! You've made good progress.
You're just having a "down" day on this ride. Keep doing activities that you like today. I hope you got all dressed up and went out to lunch or something. You deserve it. Get to know YOU again....'cause if you are anything like me, this whole marriage mess may have caused you to forget who you are.
Find happiness in the small stuff today. Like you told me yesterday, DEEP BREATH....
Thank you everyone Rick, Dragon, JBM for helping to keep my spirits up. It's nice to know someone is listening. :)I did go out for quite a while, even dressed up to go out.
Angela, thank you for the words of advice on what NOT to say, it is sooooooo tempting to speak our piece.
Seems your H and mine on currently on the same paths...UGH. We are going to have to stick together and keep each other up.
I went and found some new rugs for my bathroom. But I also went out and bought a lot of HOT clothes! It felt good as I haven't done that in a while. Also, I bought outfits 1-2 sizes smaller than what I normally wear. I didn't try them on at the store and got them home...and wait for it, wait for it..THEY FIT!
That just totally made may day!!!! I really needed a dose of something good and that was it!
Got home and H is out...as I expected. I was almost relieved he wasn't here. That seems sad, but I just hate the tension around the house.
So tonight I'm finishing putting my cabinets back on, vacuuming and then going to watch a movie with my S.
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
I'm having a down day myself even though Im divorced. My exw actually moved out October of last year. Right before hurricane Sandy hit. It was a really surreal time and still is. The crazier thing is that I volunteer as a crisis counselor. I remember being called the Friday before the hurricane hit to respond to the local shelter. Was to be there on Saturday if I remember correctly. I ended up being evacuated and forced to go to the shelter as an evacuee. Lol
Hey maybe tomorrow will be better.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
It felt good as I haven't done that in a while. Also, I bought outfits 1-2 sizes smaller than what I normally wear. I didn't try them on at the store and got them home...and wait for it, wait for it..THEY FIT!