Raine "He has developed a new "friendship" with someone safe. Married, young, and clueless and she views him as a friend. She does not flirt back at all. I don’t see this going anywhere, but I do see his persistent need to mentor, be superior, be adored, and be flirtatious. This girl seems to really like me and wants to hang around me, but I’m so done with the high school vibe. And it’s hard to be around someone he is more open with than me. It’s hard to be around her and her husband and watching my H touch her on the arm to get her attention and talk to her. I’m letting it go. Whatever the crap is for why he needs this kind of friendship or whatever it is, I hope he can get it worked out. I know he is trying super hard to keep the boundaries and I also know if I raised any issue, he would cut the girl out. My problem, like with everything else, is that decision and action has to come from him.
Just catching up Raine, and oh how it pained my heart to read this. I know how you feel, it is so painful to see your H develop the sort of friendship and give the companionship and attention that should be going to YOU to some young chick! But Raine, I think the need for attention and admiration is very strong in our MLCers. And at least your H is respecting your boundaries, and has befriended a dopey young married girl, and has introduced you. I agree that you should let it be your H's decision whether to cut her out or not, he will in time, when he gets stronger and saner. Try not to let it hurt you Raine.
Wonka "To aid H through this process, you might want to use open-ended questions so he can discover the answers and you can learn more about his thought process. "H, thanks for sharing it with me. I am curious to know what would entail "intimacy" to you and how that would look to you?" Next time this subject [or any other topic] is brought up by H, remember to use open-ended questions to draw out answers and his perspective on those issues."
Thanks for this Wonka! I have been waiting and waiting for a chance to being my H's mentor on what a marriage is all about after his replays are done and over with. Not happening yet as you know! But this is a very useful technique to use NOW, and not only with my H, I think this could apply to many conversations. Thanks Wonka you are a dear!
So how are things otherwise Raine? How are you tolerating your inlaws invasion?
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
as you know! But this is a very useful technique to use NOW, and not only with my H, I think this could apply to many conversations. Thanks Wonka you are a dear!
