I'm going to TRY and keep this short, lol! Just some basic info about my sitch, and I will fill in the blanks if anyone has questions.
H and I have been together 22 years, and have a S together, 15, and I have another S, 23, from a previous relationship. H is the only Dad he's ever known. H has always been a bit of a workaholic, and it has caused some issues in our marriage. There have been cycles of him never being home, me feeling lonely and resentful, etc. Sex life has pretty much always been strong, though - we just don't always make enough time for each other, and that has (I believe) weakened our bond.
Fast forward to July of this year, and I suspect that he's having an affair. Did some detective work, and suspicions were confirmed, though it was not someone I ever thought he'd have an affair with.It was his boss, the owner of the restaurant he currently manages, and a woman that, up until about a month before he started sleeping with her, he had zero respect for and almost left his job because he couldn't stand her. I told him I knew about the affair. He didn't come home for 3 days. When he did come home, he was, or seemed to be, completely ashamed and regretful. He said he got caught up in something he shouldn't have, that he was so sorry. and that it wasn't worth it. He wanted to stay with me and work things out. Until he didn't. A week and a half later, he tells me he's confused, doesn't know what he wants, is still attracted to OW (who I will refer to as Dishrag) and has feelings for her. He doesn't want to hurt me again, so he thinks we should separate until he can get things sorted out. To say that I was knocked for a loop would be a gross understatement. How could he sit there and say that feelings he had for someone he'd had a relationship with for a few weeks were somehow comparable to the love we'd built together for 22 years?! I cried, I tried to reason, all the things you aren't supposed to do. But off he went. He's now staying with a male friend in the town where the restaurant is located - and this much I do know to be true. He says he's not "seeing" Dishrag, but he still works with her almost everyday. Meanwhile, S and I are lucky if we see him once every couple of weeks. This [censored].
At first, I contacted him a lot. And I pressured him to spend time with us. No more. I found this place, and I have now started to detach and GAL. I'm feeling stronger every day. I've taken up yoga, and am using a Zen approach to everything. I still love him, and miss him, and I still want to fight for this marriage, but I am backing off and letting him figure things out for himself (and, hopefully, miss his family).
I am concerned about the upcoming holidays, particularly Christmas. We have always had a Christmas Eve celebration at his uncle's house, since we were dating. I have a feeling he's going to want to do that this year, too - just like normal. But things aren't normal, and I don't want everyone walking on eggshells and feeling awkward. It isn't fair to his family, and it isn't fair to our kids. Part of me wants to take the boys to my mom's this year, and let him experience Christmas without us for the first time in 2 decades. But I know that is just me wanting to punish him. So what do I do?
