It's very hard to ignore, we as humans really have to make an effort at it. This morning at 4am H's cell voicemail went off, it woke me and then I laid there knowing very well who it was from wishing I never heard it.
I told him in the morning to set his notifications to silent, I don't care to hear how important he is at 4am. I still can't help but let the angry well up in me, but I reminded myself, hey we are not a couple anymore, besides what would I want back, he's gone.
As much as I am listening to everything, and making the improvements on myself and my thinking, I still go back to feeling like he is not the one, what am I fighting for?
It helps me not fight, and control the anger, but there is truth to it as well, I don't think I am to complete my life with this man. He, even on his good days, has so little to offer. He has no life in him, how could he bring life to our R.
I'm not an advocate of D at all, but could it be that sometimes it is what is best? You did it, and you don't have regrets. It's not like he dies when he signs the dotted line, he will still be alive to struggle "his" struggle without me. That's the kicker that I am looking for, "without me"!
I hope you feel better, I hope we all feel better, this is a crap sitch, but we are doing ok!
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
