Last night I made the big decision and cancelled my cell phone plan and no longer have a smartphone. I went to a prepaid tracfone that calls only, and a home phone with answering machine. It feels quite liberating!
I'm still looking for insigh on if the process gets started in TX, how I could possibly delay to have enough time to reconnect with her as we are separated? That's why I'm avoiding the waiver of service conversation. What do I do to slow things down once the process is started in a no fault state? Would she have to drive the process? We be in Texas.
H: 29 WAXW: 30
Bomb Drop- 9/9/13 Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14 D Final- 5/21/14 XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
Delaying the signing is just making her decision stronger. It is going to become a point of resentment. She might start feeling like a victim because you are being a doof by not agreeing.
MN is a no-fault state, too. I agreed to a joint dissolution because that is what she wanted to do. When her time table didn't coincide with mine, she accused me of delaying stuff... being a jerk... played that victim card. Oh boo hoo hoo.
I don't think any of us need to help our spouse do the heavy lifting but we just can't refuse to anything that will be required, either. Too many people try to control the situation by delay tactics. It doesn't work.
None of our spouses need our permission to get a divorce. I am not going to stand in the way of mine. She is on her journey and I can't lead her or show her a map. She needs to do it alone, just like your wife does.
Pulling out my tire tool... Dude, you make too many excuses and play down too many things. You were the one that chose to pick up that drink. By rote, you are accountable for your blackout and anything you did. The Big Book says so... "We may not be responsible but we will be held accountable".
You come across as a very selfish and controlling man to me.
This is a very telling statement... I'm still looking for insigh on if the process gets started in TX, how I could possibly delay to have enough time to reconnect with her as we are separated? That's why I'm avoiding the waiver of service conversation. What do I do to slow things down once the process is started in a no fault state? Would she have to drive the process?
You are trying to control something that you can not. You say that you are sober. Sober, to me, means acceptance and not just the absence of drinking. Being sober is far more than just that.
Well, I beat up on you enough for now. In the words of a very dear friend of mine... "Breathe. Have patience, grasshopper".
“Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out” ― Art Linkletter
BTW... None of us are lawyers (well, some of us are... Not me and I don't play one on TV, either) and are able to give out legal advice. That is why you need a real lawyer.
“Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out” ― Art Linkletter
I know it seems like I am really controlling, and I guess to some extent I am. I know she is in control of this situation right now. It's only by her grace that she called the lawyer to not have me served in person yet. The goal of this site is to save your marriage though, and that's what I'm trying to do through real change, time and patience. Time is important as a 60 day window from filing to finalization is very quick. That's why I want this precious time before the proceedings start, because while things are amicable now, I dont see how they could be moving forward.
H: 29 WAXW: 30
Bomb Drop- 9/9/13 Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14 D Final- 5/21/14 XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
Are you seriously going to preach to me about the goals of this site? Really?
You really come across as "Look, baby! I've changed! Honest!" type.
A little story... I have a professional acquaintance. He drank for years. He decided to stop when he realized that his multiple party requests were made because he was the entertainment. So he he is complaining to me that his town's attitude about him hasn't changed much... I said to him, "You have not been drinking for a year? Do you think that makes up for the 28 years you were the town drunk clown?"...
...because while things are amicable now, I dont see how they could be moving forward.
Things will be however you perceive them... how you act on them... how you react to them... They will be be whatever you make them to be.
Show your wife some of growth you tell us all about. Show her that she means more than your own needs. Right now she wants out. No stranglehold, delay tactic, words, or anything is going to change that right now. So show her.
“Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out” ― Art Linkletter
So, you get served with the papers? BFD. Is it going to be a surprise? You know it is coming.
A lot can happen in 60 days. Not to mention, who says you have to top DB'ing if the D happens?
From my point of view, your delaying is borderline passive aggressive pursuing (for lack of a better term). You are forcing her to contact you because of it. Not a good game plan. Those contacts are apt to be riddled with ill feelings and bad juju...
Delaying the papers is not going to suddenly fill her with remorse and longings for you that have been long dormant. It just makes you look controlling.
“Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out” ― Art Linkletter
I woke up early and took the dog for a 30-minute walk. I went to a stellar AA meeting. Church was all about fighting for your family, which I am taking to heart. I spent time with a prayer minister following the service, and then got baptized and re-dedicated my life to God.
I then took the dog for a 3 mile hike in a state park near the house. I started reading "His Needs, Her needs" and find it very interesting thus far.
I'm down 10 pounds and fitting into clothes that haven't felt comfortable in years. I am building the self-confidence again. I do have momentary lapses every day where my mind wanders and I get choked up, but they are becoming more infrequent.
I am so thankful I found this board, the support, the wealth of knowledge, and the resources here to cope in the most difficult time of my life. Thanks to all of you for your words of wisdom and support of each other. It is invaluable.
H: 29 WAXW: 30
Bomb Drop- 9/9/13 Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14 D Final- 5/21/14 XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
While yesterday was a great day, today I'm freaking out about if what I'm doing is the right thing. I am reading his needs, her needs and all I know is I'm not making any positive deposits in my overdrawn lovebank account with her. I am sure that other people are daily, especially coworkers. This is wreaking havoc on my mind.
I want so badly to reach out to her and get a pulse check on if what I'm doing is working or not.
H: 29 WAXW: 30
Bomb Drop- 9/9/13 Negotiated Settlement- 5/9/14 D Final- 5/21/14 XW has breakdown in attorney lobby- 5/30/14
