"Since I've not been in your shoes, I can only try to imagine how it would be for you. Maybe it's worse than if you had suddenly lost her in death. You would probably be shocked and may have questions that could never be answered. From what I've been told, when we loose our S in death, we eventually have to accept the fact they are not coming back.....and we see that life continues without them. And, we mourn.....hard."
Sandi wrote this on my thread back on the 24th of Sept. I was re-reading all the posts and this caught my attention. As I said previously 5 plus months now into my sitch and I do really see things much clearer. I can even say I understand the dynamics of WAS' and LBS' much better. With that said however, Sandi you are correct in saying that for some of us LBS' it does feel worse than if we lost our S to death. At least in the beginning.
I say this only because in my sitch it was completely unexpected and I do mean completely unexpected. I never have been able as yet in all my posting to get that point across. Believe me I am not saying there weren't problems in our M. What I am trying to say is like other sitchs' I have been reading some LBS' had no idea what was about to happen. That to me would and did/has felt like a death.
With all that said, I can honestly say I do indeed have a much better attitude about things. And alot of it has to do with all the many people, vets and non vets alike who help the newcomers try and come to grips with what has happened and what we have to do. It is also true it takes some longer than others to sort through thier lives after BD.
I dont know if 5 plus months is considered a long time here dealing with a WAS and the emotions it brings. What I do know is that most all WAS' are in some kind of a storm. I dont mean to imply they are all crazy but, there is a pattern where something inside them brought them to this place of turmoil and the storm within has taken them over. So much so that they walk without regard to anyone except themselves.
NOrmal people do not treat thier partner in the manner most WAS' treat the LBS. Before, during or after the storm has erupted normal people dont just walk away without talking things over even if they have been dropping hints over a period of time. MAybe I am off base with what I have just said and maybe I dont understand the defination of "normal".
I just read on someone's thread (think it was pudmuddle) how some WAS' are eaten up with guilt and this is why they avoid us at all cost and put up a huge wall. Add to that the storm as so many have made clear here the WAS is in explains at least some of what I am experiencing in my sitch. I have no doubt about that. As for the reasons why, I tell you all today for my own sanity, I am done trying to figure out why. As so many here, have made it clear, there is no way to honestly know.
"Be Strong, Be Courageous, it can only get better from here.." 2old
