There's no place to be angry with the MLCer b/c this is really just a stage of life for them that they were going to go through no matter what. They're not doing this on purpose to be vengeful even though we're often taking it this way. We need to have complete compassion for them no matter how difficult it is b/c they're actually teaching us about ourselves and how much we were overly dependent upon them pre-BD. Our dependence (even if it's a mis-perception on their part) burned them out and for whatever reason gave them this strong urge to run from us. The only way for us to really heal is to completely let go of the past over and over again and to start each day as a new beginning. This is the only way to true forgiveness and thus this is the only way reconciliation will ever be possible for our sitches. We need to prove that we won't hold any of this over their head when their journeys are finally complete.
Wow, etc that is a great insight, and some great clarity on your part. So true in so many ways. I think a lot of us on here could relate to what you have written, and learn something from it. What you have stated about our previous dependence on them really struck a chord with me. Think of how far we have both come at this point, towards exerting our own independence, and how great that feels!! I am doing things now that I never would have imagined were possible. I find it really empowering! It helps to know we will be OK no matter what happens.
You have come so far on your journey and learned so much along the way, and you have had so much personal growth. Thanks for sharing! (sorry for being so sappy )
Originally Posted By: TSquared2
This is awesome to hear ETC...just f'n awesome!
Agree!!!
Originally Posted By: TSquared2
Eventually that "how can they do this to family, kids, me" gets filed under "dunno, but it happened, now wtf can we do to recover and move on with life, M or not-M?". I still occasionally have that thought, but 2+ years into this, I'm pretty much in the LBS "acceptance" stage...it's like being mad at the weather...doesn't really help change anything, so just go get an umbrella, or get wet. But I still get mad sometimes, but briefly.
I love what TSquared has wrote here.. eventually we have to get over that feeling of "woe is me", and just continue on our path.
M: 8 yrs T:14 Twins:7 S:5 BD:'NLILWY': Feb/2013 Mar/Apr/May: MC June: "living in limbo" Sept 12: H moves out Oct 20: reconciling Jan-Feb 2014:MC Feb 2014: separating, and H moved out.
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