Been to a sex therapist. Improved the relationship but not the sex.
Never climaxed. Never explored herself as far as I know. She's not interested in trying -- she thinks it's kind of freaky and a waste of time. Never a vibrator. Not interested in porn.
She hasn't had affairs. She has a lot of activities which are fulfilling, but not affairs. She's not interested in that sort of thing with anybody. Why is this so hard to believe? The major complaint of women is lack of desire, and I seem to be having a hard time suggesting that such a woman even exists in this dialog! Hello? She's not interested, and not just because the lighting isn't right or the phase of the moon. She's not interested, regardless of the phase of the moon or my romantic attempts. I don't think that's unusual for a woman past childbearing age and menopause.
Yes, she loves me and says so, and gives me valentine's day cards to that effect. You know, it's possible to love somebody romantically without wanting sex! Don't tell me you find that shocking. I thought it was a common complaint!
As for open marriages, I would agree with you that for most people it doesn't work. But to say that open marriages flat out don't work for anybody is patently incorrect. Almost like saying you don't believe in gay love, or whatever. Sure, it might not work for you, but as a generalization it would be patently wrong. Some people are quite different when it comes to jealousy and their whole sense of sexuality and integration with their feelings.
As for getting hurt with open marriages, that's exactly the point -- you talk things through so that you don't get hurt. No secrets. But the premise is you only do an open marriage if you won't get hurt sharing your partner.
I could just as easily apply your argument to a normal marriage. You should avoid it because most marriages end within 12 years, causing untold amounts of pain and expense. Vows are broken, and affairs happen in so many marriages, which brings in STDs, etc.
In fact, many, if not a majority, of married Americans have had covert "open" marriages. They're called affairs. I would say that hurts a lot more than those who agree beforehand to be open about it.
