"Feliz cumpleanios Mr Viejo. My grandfather remarried and had a baby at 62."
Baby? noooooooooooo way....been there done that....haha... Much more fun being a grandpa at my young age.......
So as I reflect about how I made such a fuss as to whether or not email a happy birthday to my WAW, I now feel completely foolish. I broke n/c to do that 3 weeks ago and now she completely ignored mine. I tried not to have expectations but really did believe all along she would acknowlege mine. There was a very good song awhile back dont recall who did it but it was titled "What a Fool Believes".
Well, I have been foolish loooong enough....It is obvious she has built a wall around her towards me so much so that she doesn't even have the descency to exit her "storm" for just a bit to show something, anything.....I was about to delete her phone number she voluntarily gave me awhile back for some unknown reason from my phone but realize I probably shouldn't. I'm really not angry. I think I just feel bad for her. She is not the same person I ever knew for the past 13 years...
I believe everyone would agree I have no choice but to go completely n/c no matter how long it goes...Hopefully my move to Tennessee will go forward as I love the Smoky Mountains.....
I agree with you 2old that you need to remain n/c to your W What steps have you taken for your personal development? I do know what you mean about b/days. I sent my H a birthday card and he didn't even acknowledge mine. Like you I thought he might have the decency to send me a card, but WAS are selfish through and through! Keep working on yourself, remember what Charlene says in that email Even if your spouse can't see it, when she does see you she'll notice all the positive improvements that you've made on yourself
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Wow TTD, I cant believe he didnt at least say happy bday to you....I mean you see him alot too....I dont get it...What are these WAS' thinking....ugh forget that last question....
Yep I remember the day well, he popped round to the house and I had to remind him what day it was! I did forget why he'd come round now. Yes you're right, forget the last question, lol.
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
"Since I've not been in your shoes, I can only try to imagine how it would be for you. Maybe it's worse than if you had suddenly lost her in death. You would probably be shocked and may have questions that could never be answered. From what I've been told, when we loose our S in death, we eventually have to accept the fact they are not coming back.....and we see that life continues without them. And, we mourn.....hard."
Sandi wrote this on my thread back on the 24th of Sept. I was re-reading all the posts and this caught my attention. As I said previously 5 plus months now into my sitch and I do really see things much clearer. I can even say I understand the dynamics of WAS' and LBS' much better. With that said however, Sandi you are correct in saying that for some of us LBS' it does feel worse than if we lost our S to death. At least in the beginning.
I say this only because in my sitch it was completely unexpected and I do mean completely unexpected. I never have been able as yet in all my posting to get that point across. Believe me I am not saying there weren't problems in our M. What I am trying to say is like other sitchs' I have been reading some LBS' had no idea what was about to happen. That to me would and did/has felt like a death.
With all that said, I can honestly say I do indeed have a much better attitude about things. And alot of it has to do with all the many people, vets and non vets alike who help the newcomers try and come to grips with what has happened and what we have to do. It is also true it takes some longer than others to sort through thier lives after BD.
I dont know if 5 plus months is considered a long time here dealing with a WAS and the emotions it brings. What I do know is that most all WAS' are in some kind of a storm. I dont mean to imply they are all crazy but, there is a pattern where something inside them brought them to this place of turmoil and the storm within has taken them over. So much so that they walk without regard to anyone except themselves.
NOrmal people do not treat thier partner in the manner most WAS' treat the LBS. Before, during or after the storm has erupted normal people dont just walk away without talking things over even if they have been dropping hints over a period of time. MAybe I am off base with what I have just said and maybe I dont understand the defination of "normal".
I just read on someone's thread (think it was pudmuddle) how some WAS' are eaten up with guilt and this is why they avoid us at all cost and put up a huge wall. Add to that the storm as so many have made clear here the WAS is in explains at least some of what I am experiencing in my sitch. I have no doubt about that. As for the reasons why, I tell you all today for my own sanity, I am done trying to figure out why. As so many here, have made it clear, there is no way to honestly know.
"Be Strong, Be Courageous, it can only get better from here.." 2old
OK, been GALing, took a ride from NC to Knoxville TN a couple days ago with SIL. We had a good time even went to harrahs casino in Cherokee NC...I did get the job in Knoxville and am waiting for things to get organized on their end before I begin my move there...its about 500 miles so back to the great Smokey Mts for me.
I have been completely dark with WAW for some weeks now. She hasn't made any contact either. This could be a very long period now of no contact as I figure it. I realize things are never as they appear, whether she is living her new dreamland heaven or not I know she has had bumps. I also know I should have no expectations and I really dont. But, I cant help to wonder if this is where the highway meets the road finally. Prolonged n/c just may bring our sitch to its end. I still feel very strong and will not be initiating any contact with her for the duration. I say this because honestly their really is no other way or other choice for that matter.
"Be Strong, Be Courageous, it can only get better from here.."
2old - congrats on the job! I love the Smokeys, may be going there with my kids in a couple of weekends.
I haven't been dark, but have cut back much contact; it's hard, and I empathize with you. Like you, I was a little curious about WAW, and for the last few weeks, I honestly thought W has happy, partying, lots of new friends, and living large. I found out she is broke, sits at home most of the time, and isn't happy at all, but it still didn't change her mind.
But you sound good - I really feel like you're starting to get over that "hump". My best to you!
Yea, I love the smokies also. Lived there 6 years until recently. I have been reading your posts. You definately have your hands full with her. Although I am not happy about n/c with my W the fact is I have no choice. Nothing I say in emails brings our sitch to a better place. Therefore, I will stay dark GAL and let her alone for the duration.
BY the way JON, AS seems to have a good uptake on your sitch...
