She did speak with a couple of her friends last night, told them that she was staying in the marriage and asked for their support.
That's a step in the right direction for her. I hope these are good people who have a positive reflection of M. She needs support, just as you do. So many WAW's today start hanging around women who are not mature-minded enough to encourage anyone to stay in a MR. If she has not pulled away from her old friends and replaced them with younger or single/divorced new friends who encourages her to breakup the M.....that is very good.
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I just need the chance to apply it and thats where I see the affair jamming things up.
I believe you will get the chance, but it probably won't be near as quickly as you want.....or maybe not quite like you thought. In other words, some men want to start sending flowers and doing a lot of things he thinks a woman likes. But the "timing" is off. Everything is about timing. When a couple is out of sync, it's like nothing works for them. So for a long time, you will need to measure all your efforts according to good/bad timing with her.
Your anniversary is next week. You said the two of you are going away for the weekend. Was this trip planned before you discovered the A? If not, was the trip your idea? If so, how did she respond? What do you have planned while you are gone on this anniversary weekend?
Sometimes an anniversary can put pressure on a couple who has just experienced what you and your W have. It is very fresh for you. Remember what I said about her emotions to ending the A and the aftermath? Celebrating an anniversary this quickly could be like walking on a tightrope. I'm not saying you shouldn't get away for the weekend. I'm just saying to walk carefully. The emotions and sensitivity are very fragile on both sides right now.
My suggestion is to plan activities that will hold no pressure for either of you. Something that will hold yours and her attention without having to put it all on each other the entire time. Going to a live show, water activities (or depending where you go) sight seeing, etc. I strongly advise you not to use this time to talk about the R, future, past, or anything serious. Keep it fun and as relaxed as possible.
Since there has been no sex since she confessed to the A, she may think you will be expecting it (being your anniversary and all) and that is pressure. Or you may feel you need her to ML with you as her way of showing you she is serious about ending things with OM and staying with you, she may feel she needs to prove it to you this way. There are many things we could bring up along this line of thinking, but the point is it can cause a lot of pressure to build. Then if expectations are not met 110%, it can cause more intensity in your R.
Try not to put your entire future into the success of this weekend. The first several weeks will feel strained and maybe awkward times between you. It's a very long road, so don't give up.
Hope you the best for this weekend. Remember, no expectation.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
