Hi - I have been reading the posts for a while and soaking in as much information as possible. I have read DR and am currently speaking with a coach.
Synopsis of my sitch:
-Been M for 7 yrs; together for 15 -Have 3 beautiful boys, ages 4, 2 & 10 months -BD 07/13(having EA w co-worker; ILYBINIWY;) -EA likely over a year at this point (I had a gut feeling but did not confirm for sure until 07/13); OW is a complete mess (if I went into details about her life you would think I am lying) -H moved out 07/13; Claims that he does not know what he wants and needs time
I have to admit that despite reading DR, reading the posts and speaking with my coach, I have been doing a horrible job implementing the advise provided to me. It took me a long time to get my emotions under control and to pick myself up off the ground after the BD. I see my H on almost a daily basis because of the kids which has proved to be very hard. I feel like he throws in daily jabs to hurt me in order to justify his actions and decisions.
But it feels like I have finally turned a corner. I am ready to get my life back and find happiness in the things that I can control. I have promised myself that for the next 30 days, I will follow the advise of my coach and everything in DR (I am a planner/controller by nature, so I like being able to cross each day off my calendar to show my progress). If I stick to the advice for 30 days, I am rewarding myself with a spa day.
I will focus on myself and stop trying to change my H. I am prepared to avoid his jabs and not let him push my buttons. I have stopped asking about the OW and stopped snooping.
I have been GAL since July. My calendar is full of activities with the kids, activities with girlfriends, signed up for a mom's group, enrolled in yoga class. Its honestly feels great and I am much happier in this aspect than I have been in years. I pretty much spent the last year waiting around to see if H was going to spend time with us and forgot to live my own life.
The first five days of this new journey have gone pretty well. No crying, pleading, asking questions. I have not contacted him first. We talk just about logistics, very little chit-chat. I am friendly. I have been getting off the phone as soon as we finish discussing the logistics.
However, we did get into an argument on day 2 because he took my kids to lunch with OW (another co-worker, my MIL and BIL were also there). I told him that under no circumstances will our children be in OW's presence again. He apologized and stated that it would not happen again. I don't believe anything that comes out of his mouth, but hope that he can respect this boundary.
Does anyone have any advice on how to handle this situation with OW and the kids? I want him to respect this one boundary (since he is not respecting anything else at this moment).
Also, I can use any support that I can get during the next 30 days and the days that follow. I will keep updating on my progress. I feel blessed to have found a place where people understand what I am going through. I am in counseling and she knows all the details. I told two close friends (and my immediate family) that H moved out, but they don't know the details. It is nice to have a place to complain and vent and know that I will be understood. I am ready for any advice that you have and for some scolding if I get off track.
