From what I've read about W's thoughts and comments, I get the sense that she's looking to you to fight for her and the M. Doesn't mean that you need to go all out for it.
Are you truly listening to your W? Listen quietly and carefully. All the clues are right there. It isn't about you right now. It is all HER and her thoughts/emotions at the moment. Be her friend when you go have the face-to-face interactions and let her initiate R talks.
Your frustrations are bleeding out and comes out in a push-pull dynamic. This is why you told W that she needs to tell the kids she is pulling the plug on the M and initiating D paperwork. It seems to me that you want to deflect and heap all the guilt onto W so you'll come out as the "nice guy" in this. Not good thinking on your part.
Look inward and talk to yourself to see if you can sidestep the discomfort and antsy feelings. There's no firm timetable that you have to do A, B, C in order to arrive at X. It is all an illusion.
