thanks - i was thinking you're closeby too. it was fun to meet you- i'm world's worst at makng plans. no kidding. i'm currently blaming it on the stars, btw.... for want of a better reason. that old neeed total freedom(?) alllllllll the time- tho not necessarily anhthing in particular to do with it. it's a pain in the neck, this business of making a plan and then dreading it. i always have a good time- but in advance i never like the commitment.
YA EVER WONDER HOW i cut this h soooooo much slack on the getting married thing????? i WAS married and felt trapped like a rat - two years. why? idk - kept thinking "is this allll there is) ex h had some biggish issues,
this one was just "my size" - hence my believe we're MEANT to be together. this mlc or his insanity- or whateve rit is- is driving me up the wall. if i had complete FAITH in him- still being in there- (like it this was a disease and he'd be cured for sure ) i'd be doing better.
in life- what i have is the endurance thing. i can endure pain - it's just something i know about self.
endure limbo- not so hot at that. tho, mind you, KNOWING ALL MY life with this man that there was no guarantee - no marriage- but then knowing also i WAS MARRIED and that was no guarantee either- LIFE JUST HOLDS NO GUARANTEES. that kind of pisses me off- i mean, you'd think there SHOULD BE something that is absolutely true & that we can bank on!!!
oh well huh??? i do get what you say- i think in general i'm still doing okay-
i still have hair - rite????? i know about the sorting of a mess of r simultaneously- but none of them seem to just go completely away. they're in my face- calling me up- expecting and needing this or that- and seem to keep continuing. i can't honestly wish for anyone to die- that would be the only way "out" i can see.
this family duty junk is a bunch of bs- them all i want to divorce- BUT- THAT business of the shared life for 62 years is a bummer. i'm a stinkin loyal dog. is it a good thing- i'm not so sure any more. but it is, in fact, something inside me- something.
oh well- i should find something to wear today and eat my stinking oatmeal.
just keepin healthy & (hopefully) the cholesterol down - it was never actually "high" just getting to top edge of "normal" - so think it's worth note. wish i could really muscle up- without having to put in all that work-
oh well- have a wonderful day- glad you're out there.
i was sayin in my own thread today- wake up to the alarm clock - never used it in my life. it's on h side of bed- my neice set it for me - and it's a christian radio station. telling me all kind os little lectures and people with their "stories" - the usual spiel - was about h & w yesterday- i swear i got wondering wtf about this particular lecture at that particular moment in time. (abandon hope all ye that enter here) kind of morning-
about men are selfish and women want control - making it work- speaking up and being honest but being loyal and doing it with love -
ya gotta wonder..... i've never "spoken up" about my own wants much - or ever. not my nature to "demand" a damn thing. perhaps i need to work on somehow being more honest and straightforw4d (and demanding???) in a small way since we're immersed in this stinking mlc debacle. h is also alot like me in that respect. we avoid conflict til we almost die.
BUT - i take it on the chin- and i don't lie & cheat. he takes it on the chin- then goes bonkers. yeah-
food for thought i guess- OKAY- NEED TO GET DRESSED AND get busy- as usual.
i sure hope i make it out the other side of this journy I'M ON wth some sanity, grace and goodhumour.........
