First I so appreciate all of your post on this forum, I have gained great insight from your words lately on Flo's pages.
My W had an EA with a childhood friend she reconnected with. They sexted with pics, it never became a PA, but she was in deep emotionally. I will first say I do not blame her at all, as I was not there emotionally for her or physically really. We are as you have seen working on building a new marriage. She is one of the kindest, caring people I have ever met and ties in with her request to have her friend remain in her life. We have agreed on her having him as an acquaintance friend, where she text him once or twice a year to see how he and his family is, etc. She says she cannot just cut someone out of her life that is a friend. She has apologized many times for the A and says she regrets it deeply and wishes it never happened. I am sooooooo tore over having him in her life at all. Do you feel I am being fair or naive?
Please feel free to bring this to my thread.
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
JP I saw this late Wed night but yesterday we were dealing with S8's doctors all day. I know my initial reaction but I want to catch up on your story (used to read it in the spring) so I will do that after baseball tonight.
MrBond,
That is a great idea. I stopped going to church several years ago bu have thought on and off about going back so it may be time to make the move.
Thank you
M 46 H 44 D 12 S 8 M 9 T 11 BD 2/15/13 "Makes sense to stay together" 5/12/13 Agree we are 'healing' 7/13 Definitely Piecing 9/13
I have been reading your post as they are always so good!
How are you doing?
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
Things are going really well. The biggest challenge for H and I is time to spend together. We did go on a date about a month ago because we had a gift card and a free sitter. With me out of work, we do not have any $ to spare. With my workload at school, I am up at 5a to study before school, in class from 8a-230 and then another 4-6 hours of work most days. We are squeezing in 2-3 at home, mini-dates a week where we watch a favorite show, eat our favorite snacks, whatever. We have coffee together every Sat-Sun morning (in bed now that it is too cold for the patio!) and I also wake him 2-3 mornings a week between studying and the shower or we would rarely have time for FUN!
It is working. I know we can do more, and be even better, as we move forward and when we get to C in January (when our new health insurance starts with coverage that will pay for it). We have come a long way, we talk about the future and being together, I no longer think he is having an A when I see him texting, we don't fight (not that we don't ever disagree, we just handle disagreements differently and they don't become full blown flights like before).
We are in a very different place and we are always thanking each other, we are grateful for each other (through words, actions, letters), we are more thoughtful to each other.
Clearly life isn't always perfect, or a bed of roses, but when I think about our M now, the above is really how I feel and what stands out. Are there rough moments? Sure, they just don't stand out as much. Before, it was almost all rough moments and the good times didn't stand out so they were easy to miss or forget. Now the bad moments are easy to forget.
Thank you for asking about me. I really do want to start a piecing thread because I know I have a lot left to learn!
M 46 H 44 D 12 S 8 M 9 T 11 BD 2/15/13 "Makes sense to stay together" 5/12/13 Agree we are 'healing' 7/13 Definitely Piecing 9/13
I went with a therapist who uses Gottman principles.
We go once a week and it is really helpful to have someone else to sit there and listen and give none bias advice.
I am glad that you don't get triggered by his texting, I hope to get there as well. It is still a struggle for me to let go and trust, just as it is for her with me. More time.
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
Great! H and I are doing really well, squeezing in time together whenever we can and keeping up with each other on how we are feeling.
I did have a big eye opener a few weeks ago because I was feeling distant from h - not as much holding me while watching tv, he was staying up when I went to bed, in his own world when he is home (all things that were problems years ago)but I didn't bring it up, I kept in and let myself get frustrated. I started imagining that he wasn't happy, that this was how things would be, etc. One night we had a ridiculous argument about something little and he said to me "I can't believe this really bothers you that much". I said "It doesn't, it isn't about that, it's about not holding me, coming to bed with me, etc.". It wasn't until that moment that I even realized why I was feeling so irritated and that I was getting mad at him over things that were irrelevant. I told him that and said I should have just told him how I was feeling. He apologized (ha, he never used to do that!!), asked me to just let him know in the future and things have been back on track.
We work much better as a team than we did in our previous M and we usually communicate much better. I am so grateful that we are together and I am truly happy!
M 46 H 44 D 12 S 8 M 9 T 11 BD 2/15/13 "Makes sense to stay together" 5/12/13 Agree we are 'healing' 7/13 Definitely Piecing 9/13
It is nice to have the chance again when you are aware or awake to what is important
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
