Trains and Boats and Planes.......

[WenikiTiki]

Hi Friends!

I am needing to vent. My relationships always seem to end with me feeling used, slighted, and me trying to "live up" to other peoples views. I have always been a people pleaser. And that part of me is changing. My marriage was ended before it started, even though it lasted 32 years. I look at my wedding album and I see my X with this disapproving face on in at least half of the photos. I spent so much time worried about the look on his face.

Now I keep finding myself still trying to be agreeable, make people happy. And tonight the woman who claims to be my best friend just pushed me for the last time. Last year I went to a yoga retreat. It was amazing and scary at the same time. It was at a place run by the Ananda people. And I came away feeling like it was a cult. I learned a lot about yoga and meditation. But the group who runs that community is very cult like.

My friend has disagreed with me strongly about where I was and how I felt about them. Her reasoning is that her daughter went to Yogaville and they weren't a cult. I told her plainly that since she wasn't there, she couldn't say what was going on where I went. She continued to disagree and I (As Always) dropped it. This was a discussion we had a few times since I went there.

Now my friend is looking into a yoga retreat on Hawaii (The Big Island). Ananda has an arm there, and I expressed concern that she might accidently go to that one. She once again told me that I didn't know what I was talking about. Well of course I don't know what I'm talking about. Because her daughter, who didn't attend school past the 6th grade, went to a place on the East Coast to learn yoga knows everything.

First of all just Google Ananda and read about them. They were such nice people. And they all wear royal blue whenever possible and these tri-metal bracelets and arm bands. They never pressured me to join. But they did this thing where they sought out certain people and were super nice to us. I was one of those people.

Anyway, I am just trying to understand what part of me ends up with a "friend" who can just be so mean to me. She says rotten things about my X. And makes broadly ignorant statements about the impossibility of her H ever cheating on her. Because she would cut it off if he did that.

Yes, that would solve so many problems. Because being in jail or the nut house would be a bigger problem.

Anyway, just venting. I need to get some sleep. I am not furloughed. But my X is and that is a big problem! I saved some money up to pay my tax bill. I may have to get into that money to pay the mortgage. Just when it seemed like I was getting somewhere. Maybe I will just go to California and join a cult.