Learning to detach

[Whiterose]

So I kinda lost it tonight, in my defence this is the first "crazy" wife appearance.

H, at the beginning of September sent me a text outlining I needed to pay $400 towards the beginning of the month mortgage, he'd cover the 20th and as he had rent on the 1st I had to pay 4th. I never said anything except that if I'm starting to pay the mortgage I'm unable to pay the larger visa anymore. He said it is what it is.

Today I deposited the mortgage payment into the acct but whe I got home from deliveries I had a message from the mortgage company and they would only be calling for one reason . I called the. Bank and sure enough the 20th payment bounced.

I called H. Had to use S cell as he wouldn't pick up the house phone. I asked him why he would do that and he said he has no money. He has to start all over again and I need to stop dragging my feet and move on. I said I'm not dragging my feet but it takes time to work on it. I said why would you bounce the mortgage when it is the one contribution to your children. "To get your attention! You need to stop stalling" I said you are denying money to your children to get my attention? Who does that? Then he said that I'm being difficult and he's sleeping g on the floor on a cot and I interrupted saying this was your decision to leave. You should have planned it out better. Made arrangements Your kids cannot suffer because you want to get my attention and a new bed. I said this is why people move into their basements or with family to which he responded "yeah, I would move into the basement to hear you yell". I said I don't yell anymore. I'm completely different .... Ask anyone. He said he didn't care and I said it doesn't matter to me if you care but this is the first phone call where I'm freking out becaaus you're bouncing the mortgage on the home in which your children live and didn't even have the courtesy to tell me. He said he wouldn't be paying next month either and not any month until we sit down and figure it out. I said you make one payment. For our children's care, I haven't asked for spousal, to which he replied why would you get spousal when you make more than me.....I said what are you talking about. You've always been the main bread winner? I said you've never even shown up here with a bag of apples for our boys and now you're taking money away from them. He said to stop saying that he was taking it from me until I take him seriously. I said its for the boys. I said you're that guy. The guy that withholds funds from his. Children to hurt the wife like I'm out buying shoes . I said does that make you feel good? More like a man? I said how does it feel to be that guy? He said stop stalling I need to pay the. Visas and my gas and food and rent and haven't even paid J for the car. I said that's all too bad but doesn't. Negate your responsibility to your sons. I said I'm the one here cooking, cleaning, paying the bills and he said when....you're never home? Wtf!?!! Are you talking about? I said you are their father and need to act like it. I said you have one son who won't talk to you, he interrupted saying well who's fault is that ., I said do not put that on me, I told you from day one they were struggling and that you needed to talk to them and be there for them and you accused me of trying to make you feel guilty. Now one won't talk to you and the other runs not and cold. I said you're loosing them! All he was fixated on was that I need to stop saying I'm ok with the divorce because if I was it should all be done by now. I told him the guy that does nothing but go to work doesn't get to comment on the woman doing it all. He said you need to stop playing the victim. I said I'm no victim. It's a statement of fact. You needed out. You needed change. You made no plans for it, he said I've been planning for years and I said well, you should have had better solutions in place then, the fact you can't pay your bills or take care of your children, stop saying that he said....it's the truth, because you need to prove a point and get a bed makes you "that guy"

Anyway, this went on for about 15 minutes until he all of a sudden said I hung up on him because he couldn't hear me and the. He hung up.


Bad, on my part, on so many levels I know. But OH MY LORD He's crazy. Just selfish crazy stupid and then I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed