Ready the 2x4s... I'm feeling a bit down tonight. Just went to dinner with W. She seemed to forget it was supposed to be her treat. No big deal. I hesitated for just a bit and when I saw she wasn't reaching for it, I paid.
She was in a so-so mood. A bit crabby, maybe. Seems now I only get the crabby, tired-after-work wife. Except weekends. Those are usually pretty good. In the bigger picture, I always got the overweight, depressed W. Both times she's gotten in really good shape, someone else gets the skinny, happy W.
On the way home, she freaked out once thinking I was going to hit someone making a left turn - she doesn't seem to understand judging gaps in traffic - I should have gone to the next block to the light, even though it would have been out of the way. I exclaimed just a tiny bit sharply "no chance of hitting them" after she said "look out." This is nothing new - I *always* drive, and she *always* panics - or at least is nervous. I've been super good about not saying anything since we started doing things together again. This was a tiny slip, but I wasn't nasty about it and I made some small talk soon after to show I wasn't upset or resorting to my old, crabby ways. I got upset, caught myself, and let it go. Best I could do at the moment.
Lastly, I saw her texting in the car right before she left. Of course, I don't know who she was texting. Of course I know very well who I think she was texting.
The upset part of me wants to dig up her FB message where she said that I "made it clear I didn't want to know" and tell her that maybe I do want to know what the nature of their relationship is. I hate sitting here waiting to see if I'll make the cut as Plan B. I hate that she made clear that she "doesn't want to be physical" while I wonder all the time if she is with someone else.
Given that we were already in a long stint of the sexless marriage problem, it's been a loooooong time, if ya know what I mean. That testosterone again...
So, anyway, before you start whacking away with the 2x4s you have in your hands, what I'm *not* going to do right now is... well... anything I just said I wanted to do. <sigh>
I'm going to go pull some more crap out of a closet until my mind settles down a bit, then go to bed. There's a 99.9% chance she'll Skype or text me in the morning as usual.
No big deal. I hesitated for just a bit and when I saw she wasn't reaching for it, I paid. 
Of course I know very well who I think she was texting. 
There's a 99.9% chance she'll Skype or text me in the morning as usual.