Need advice and friends

[Accuray]

There are also different types of people. For one group conversation energizes them and for the other conversation consumes energy. If your H is in the second category it can help to warn and plan instead of jumping in because he will feel ambushed.

I.e. I'd like to discuss my day with you, can we do that 15 minutes from now? That way he can mentally prepare and get in a receptive frame of mind.

[RSmiles]

Thanks Accuray. The no heavy conversation parameter is getting tough for me today.

Journaling....

Feeling very stressed today. Glad to have the boards to let it out and hopefully find some answers.

So I've been trying to talk less but it's hard when serious issues like health and jobs come up.

I work from home right now writing articles and working on web design projects. It's not ideal, but since my last job ended I at least picked up some freelance work. And I'm applying for other jobs all the time. H runs his own construction business and he has plenty of money. Our accounts are actually separate but he measures who buys what. Sometimes he acts angry at me and sometimes he tells me that he's really happy and that he has no problems. Most of the time he ignores me unless he wants something from me. Yes I am feeling depressed.

Today, I was trying to finish some articles on a deadline and H bursts into my office room and tells me friends are coming over for dinner (about 1/2 hour notice). Then I get a call from my health care provider that they can't help me anymore since I don't have insurance and they have no solutions for how I can continue to afford my insulin (I am diabetic). I wanted so much to talk to H but he doesn't have the time and all he wanted to do was hang out with our friends and then go to bed at 8:30. I think he doesn't want to deal with anything that isn't fun and games. We literally had a 2 word conversation about the medical situation and all he said was that's too bad. H doesn't have health insurance either, but he has no current health problems.

I am struggling here.

[RSmiles]

Fresh perspective today. I really enjoy having the boards as a journal and to visit other people's threads.

I need to focus more on my GAL and 180 less on how I think H is acting toward me. The negative parts do not need attention. I am contributing to it by acting unhappy.

So being happy is my number one objective. I do not need to wait for H to be happy myself. I think this is both GAL and a 180 for me.

I mentioned my career in my last post. I have started on several new streams of income (design services, writing, patterns, gifts) to build my own creative business. Building this business is one of my happiest goals. Right now it is small, but I do have steady work and I know I can grow this.

Although our finances are fine since H's business is very successful, H is not sure he believes in how well I can do (and that had been bringing me down), but I do not need to wait for him to change his attitude. I was feeling discouraged that H was not excited for me, so much that I began to doubt myself. Now I know I need to stop that and be my own champion.

I need to go ahead, plan a lot, and do my best and make my goals happen.