Well my biggest impression is you and your husband are extremely codependent, so am I and my W. Actually the codependency match you two share is very similar to ours.
So please read codependent no more.
I think this was asked, but I didn't see a response. What is it that you love about your husband? Actually what was it when you first met and what is it now?
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
Maybe I'll just go ahead and make other arrangements for me and my son to do something on Sunday instead.
Yes. Do that!
Always have an alternate plan just in case - I do
I do have an alternative plan, normally dictated by my son He always says if Dad doesn't come round then we'll do this instead! My son needs to know what he is doing, it's part of his autism. He needs to plan ahead!
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Trying is there a OW? Still reading, just didn't think there was then saw something that said there was, but wasn't sure.
JP, I'm not sure but I think so. He says she's just a friend, but you know what they say - believe nothing of what they say and half of what they do!
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Well my biggest impression is you and your husband are extremely codependent, so am I and my W. Actually the codependency match you two share is very similar to ours.
So please read codependent no more.
I think this was asked, but I didn't see a response. What is it that you love about your husband? Actually what was it when you first met and what is it now?
I will get round to reading that one Thanks for your recommendation I do remember my response to this question I think, lol. I've slept since then When I first met my H it was his sense of humour and his confidence that attracted me to him. He was good looking as well, but not in the sense of "corrr he's fit!". Sorry just an English saying Now he's in MLC land, his sense of humour has changed and he's not funny anymore! In fact the whole MLC land thing is getting on my nerves and I just want him to come out of it. What I love about him now is a hard question to answer when he's being like he is at the mo, I just want him back so we can have our family back together. What I loved about him before he went off on his MLC trip was his emotional support with my son, we've got similar tastes in TV programmes and we still remind each other to record a certain programme even now. He's too cold hearted at the moment for me to feel anything for him, but I know that deep down I still love him. I know I'll never get my old H back as that marriage is dead, but I hope one day that I will get my new improved H back We've been married for 21 years and been through a lot together. That's nearly half our life we've been together! It is hard to think about what I love about him now, but I do know that if he does decide to come back then we'll have to do things right this time! My son finds it hard living like this, especially with his autism, and needs a set routine in order to cope day to day. It's hard to say why I love him now, when he first left my heart skipped a beat when I saw him but I'm learning to detach from him and so I don't allow myself to get emotionally involved with him at this present time. When he complains about money or his tiny flat, I just want to say "just come home!". I'm glad our spouses are similar JP as you may relate to what I'm saying. Anyway I think I've rambled on too much, lol. I've been to help at the youth club that my son goes to and I feel a lot better than before Sorry to be such a misery earlier
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
TTD, your husband complaining about the tiny flat reminds me of when my W left last time, and then complained to me about how she had to live in a crappy apartment in a bad neighborhood and had to keep the heat down to afford to pay the utility bills. I did tell her then that she didn't have to do that, she could come home. She just ignored it at that time.
This time around I did it differently. I bought her a nice house and I pay for everything, plus I take her out at least once a week.
I'm kidding. Sort of. At least I have equity in the house. Hopefully you can laugh at me and feel better.
Thanks MH I was just thinking that this is probably reality setting in for him, just a thought don't get the 2x4s out Got a busy weekend planned. I'm meeting another friend for a costa this morning, then having my hair cut and meeting another friend for lunch. Then I think I've got the afternoon free, lol. This evening I'm off to a mini Christian convention that is on tonight and all day tomorrow. I'm so looking forward to that, but I'll have to give my son lots of snacks to stop him from getting bored, lol. I told him that I'll put him in the creche, hehe He was not amused! Sunday we've got our Harvest festival at Church and then a Harvest tea later on. Looks like it's going to be another weekend where I'll be doing one of my favourite pastimes - eating Now I've just got to fit in finishing my college assignment that needs to be handed in on Monday
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
It looks like you are pushing forward and doing very well for yourself. This is great and I can almost feel some happiness in your words
You are doing really well IMO and need to continue.
My thought is to start or continue if you have started looking at your codependency. You seem to have it with your H and family. I think once you understand codependency more, you will see yourself different or at least what changes can be made to help you.
You love your H I get that. Your H is on his road and seems to have had several issues prior to taking this road. I think you are doing what you need to do. Work on you and let him work on him.
If the time comes that he wants to come back, he will need to make many changes, as the new you will not be wanting the old him.
As so many have told me, all you can do is work on you.
Being a LBS is a choice and it is not an easy road, as you well know.
Time and patience.
Did you ever get the privacy thing worked out?
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
TTD, your husband complaining about the tiny flat reminds me of when my W left last time, and then complained to me about how she had to live in a crappy apartment in a bad neighborhood and had to keep the heat down to afford to pay the utility bills.
Kinda like my H complaining about having to take the bus to and from work and his favourite bar now. And not having any money as well. Nothing to do with the fact that he chose to move out of the house (no rent, walking distance from work and bar) and into his friends' spare room (rent and too far to walk to work or bar) of course
Both 50 S14 M 16 yrs (his 3rd; my 1st)
ILYBINILWY - 24 Dec 2012 H moved out - 27 Jun 2013 Legally separated - 6 Sep 2013 Closing the door and changing the locks
TTD, I agree with JP - you are doing good. Pace yourself! I concur with the WAS needing to make changes. I made that mistake with W last time. This time we will have to either get C or have some serious discussions - she'll have to answer my questions, as much as it will be painful for both of us... but, that bridge is down the road and this is your thread so...
I must say, I had to look up Costa. At least with NQ, I got the Timmy's references, from my proximity to CA and my trip to Toronto last year - on our A.
It looks like you are pushing forward and doing very well for yourself. This is great and I can almost feel some happiness in your words
You are doing really well IMO and need to continue.
My thought is to start or continue if you have started looking at your codependency. You seem to have it with your H and family. I think once you understand codependency more, you will see yourself different or at least what changes can be made to help you.
You love your H I get that. Your H is on his road and seems to have had several issues prior to taking this road. I think you are doing what you need to do. Work on you and let him work on him.
If the time comes that he wants to come back, he will need to make many changes, as the new you will not be wanting the old him.
As so many have told me, all you can do is work on you.
Being a LBS is a choice and it is not an easy road, as you well know.
Time and patience.
Did you ever get the privacy thing worked out?
Thanks JP You're right, I won't want the old H back. I am happy today, I just had a bit of a downer yesterday and I blame H for putting me there. Can you elaborate on the privacy thing as I've slept since then If you mean my computer then I've got a password set on it now and I do feel more relaxed about H coming into the house now He has started to tell me when he's coming round and what he's coming round for. Like I said, I don't think that I can say anything to him without it sounding harsh.
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
