Ambivalent, what are you suggesting as a "last resort"? It seems I've tried a number of "last resorts" with no luck. Our efforts have improved other aspects of our marriage, but it's still as if sex had never been invented.
The big question now is, how do I motivate her? She has come to think of sex as a waste of time. Even when we had sex on a regular basis, she wanted to hurry it up after a few minutes, and she complained I wanted it too often.
That is, I can't figure out any way to get her to want to want. When a wife buys her husband centerfold magazines to keep him "occupied" so he won't harass her for sex, you have a wife who is not motivated to even want to be sexual as I see it. Perhaps she thinks it's just all about the orgasm for me. She's never had one herself, so perhaps she's missing that perspective.
She does recall how her brothers had centerfold magazines when they were teens, and they survived their high school years just fine without regular sexual partners. So I guess she figures I should be able to "survive" the same way now.
I guess it does make some twisted logical sense that it is easier for me to "survive" this way than it would be for her to work through her issues. And consider that even if a woman works through her issues, it still doesn't guarantee that her sexual desire will be restored.
Leave? I personally know of two cases where that worked for a week in one case, and a month in the other. And after that time, the family dynamics and love life were right back to the old no-sex routine. I would say the mistake was they didn't combine it with therapy. Which we've been to.
My inclination would be to open up the marriage, beginning with a discussion of the intent to do so, or being very open about the process of doing so if she doesn't want to discuss it. No secrets. That seems like a much more direct and honest approach to me.
Yes, we occasionally kiss. And yes, the conventional thinking would be that kissing would indicate a relationship that also includes sex. Nope, nothing of the kind in this case.
" And yes, the conventional thinking would be that kissing would indicate a relationship that also includes sex"
No that's where you're jumping the gun. Not all kissing leads to sex. They are ways of showing intimacy and physical closeness.
Does your W ever come up to kiss you or do you just do it to her? What about hugs?
If she doesn't object to it, you could always just grab her, tell her that you're happy to have her in your life, give her a long lingering kiss and then walk away. No sex.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
If the problem was as easy as you're implying, I would have solved this long ago. I have kissed many times without it leading to sex, and been happy with it.
Hugs and kisses are not as often as they should be. Mostly I initiate.
Yes, I do the kinds of things you suggest and expect no sex. And my expectation is always fulfilled -- no sex.
I didn't mean it as a solution to your problem. I was just wondering what intimacy level your W is comfortable with. Have you tried the long kiss thing like I asked? And again, you mention that YOU're happy with it. But what about your W?
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
If the problem was as easy as you're implying, I would have solved this long ago. I have kissed many times without it leading to sex, and been happy with it.
Hugs and kisses are not as often as they should be. Mostly I initiate.
Yes, I do the kinds of things you suggest and expect no sex. And my expectation is always fulfilled -- no sex.
You may as well make your "expectation" a point of strength from you. You know one way or another your going to have a sexual life while you remain on this earth.
