NLT - yes, isn't that just it? Curiosity killed the cat. I am a little as well.
Quote:
In your SO's case, I still think the ow has either been sent down the road or decided that she needed more than he could give her. MLC has a way of shining brightly even with the ow.
I can't help but wonder. Perversely, I would hate to have him begin to contact me (as happened before) just because GF is not available. I also wonder if she finished all her crying on his shoulder and decided that she no longer needed him. IDK but I am so curious about it. The OW is such a big thing to us - a huge painful manifestation of MLC. I have lost any emotional reaction I had to her and to him, other than I would rather he not contact me if he is still with her. But I do confess, I am still curious.
Quote:
The reason he keeps checkin' in isn't because of the car, it's because the two of you really had something. On some level, he realizes this. The car, or any other subject, is just a "safe" excuse for him.
I wondered this, too. Does that mean he has to come up with something else once the Mystery of the Car is solved?
Quote:
They want to act as if normal, in part because they are not facing up to what they have done. The picture I get with so many MLCers is one of upright men who go off the rails, not, in general, rather dodgy people who have cheated all their lives.
Now it is hard to face having done something that violates so much of what you believed in, and denial is the easiest way out. The other, as we all know, if self justification - 'I wasn't happy, the marriage wasn't working, you were a terrible cook, you are too tall/short/fat/thin, you stayed home/went out to work' and so on. Delete as appropriate.
Word, Bea! He was one of those men who helped lost old ladies and everyone liked. His kindness was one of the things I loved about him. I think that is why his treatment of me doubly hurt. He could be infinitely kind to strangers but could not find it in him to be kind to me at the worst times in my life. And then berated me for everything I was. He knew where to hit me - the children thing - because he knew ME. That is why they can hurt us so much. They know us.
But the scripts? I didn't know they were scripts until I googled ILYBINILWY. There they were: I haven't felt like that about you in years, you're not what I want, I only get one life and I have to live it, etc, etc. A check list would be great. I actually got most of scripts all at once, lucky me.
Quote:
If the texts bother you, if you feel they set you back, then ask him to stop.
MizJ, you know what? They don't. Not any more. I believe he has lost that power over me. Not that I am completely over it. I am still unbelievably angry at him and for the choices that he made. I guess in the back of my head, I wonder why he even deserves civility when I certainly got none. But I realize that I am not that kind of person.
A friend of mine asked me if he had been in touch and I said yes, just a few texts. She told me I should ignore them and referred me to a website that she said helped her when her H cheated on her. I won't mention the website so as not to run afoul of the moderator here, but I personally found this particular site, run by a woman who was cheated on herself, to be intolerant, judgmental and foul. Please don't misunderstand, overall her message was one of strength and of focussing on ourselves and taking care of ourselves during this time. Not unlike DB.
But one of the things that struck me about her site, was that if someone chose to be compassionate or even thought of the possibility of reconciliation, her names for those people were endless. I felt bad reading it because, what? I am valuing myself to low by still speaking to him? For not telling him to F-off?
Don't we feel bad enough without the feeling that I am somehow failing myself if I am kind or allow contact? IDK.
There was an excellent article on there regarding reconciliation and why it is difficult. But the overall tone was not for me.
For now, I like NLT's advice: as long as I am not being adversely affected, let's see how it goes. And if I meet Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome before xSO wakes up - well, consequences is all I can say!
