forgot to say- it occurs to me - what you're saying -
it's that same old thing of when they're there in your face - 0r gone (or you're gone) . it just gives a different perspective- it's pitiful (or a good thing - idk) that then you can be more objective kind of- or tend to acknowledge the good stuff as well as the bad.
BUT - it's such a stinking "snaggle" too- i mean- it modifies the big ole insane urge to act- and then you fiddle and diddle (like me) and dangle til you're half dead (maybe.)
i'm here because my life still feels too much a shambles to walk out and "go it alone". fear? convenience? revenge? who the heck can call it. "waffle" central - me.
too giant a jumble in head these-a-days with all this mom-animosity, etc. to even know what i want to do or think.
am disgusted with self for still being in his life- still knowing him - today.
how he can "go about his life (other life) " tra la - with no apparent problem. indifferent to me it seems.
he's a selfish and sick guy- BUT MAYBE that is who he is- not something crazy or get-0ver-able (or db-worthy?) . as usual- he does stuff db describes exactly and i'm sure he really is nuts - but then, ....
on the other hand- he sure doesn't look or sound nuts most of the time- just like a stinking selfish guy "havin "it all".
i'm stil havin trouble figuring out what the heck i want to or need to do to get a better social life while having my ancient mother nailed to my back here. idk- it's a stumper.
school okay tho today- good to have worked - wish they'd call for tomorrow too- keep me out of the house and not thinking (at all) about my life.
what a terrible thing huh? to be avoiding thinking about your life in general. well, maybe it's a waaaay better thing than sitting around thinking about it- i take it back- it's a ghood thing i guess in this sitch rather than obsessing aobut it all the time.
eeeee3k- wacky-girl today. better go clip more rose of sharon- kill those stinking seed pods before they can open- hack hack, wack wack
grrrrr.
xxoo (what? displaced frustration & anger? who me???)
