Becoming Patient Man III - Moving Forward

[PatientMan]

To clarify, by "schizophrenic" I mean one day she is crying, the next day she seems fine, but told me she cried all day. The next day she'll try and cozy up to me like a wet kitten to a hot brick, and the next we'll talk about separate finances and me moving to our old house and she seems fine with it all. (Days not necessarily in that order.)

XW is actually very reasonable, attractive, considerate, and pretty easy to be around in general. In fact, considering many of the situations I read about here, I have it really easy in that department. This presents its own issues (e.g. deviating from my plan by letting an emotion run me awry), but I shouldn't (and won't) complain.

She is convinced she has to make it on her own, and until she does I don't think she can allow herself to let her guard down to me. So as much as she tells me she misses me and thinks she has made a mistake and can't figure out how to be happy without me, she can't - and won't - try to R with me because that is seen as a failure to her without her success at independence first.

I don't have a problem supporting that. I don't know if I've posted it here, but I've long said that I WANT her to be successful and to be happy. I don't want her to fail...to "learn her lesson" that she can't make it without me and then come crawling back. I don't want that at all.

And when times are tough on her, she lets her guard down and moves closer to me. Then she realizes what she's doing and backs away again. "It's okay, little squirrely...PatienMan isn't going to hurt you."

It just kind of sux that R with me, in her mind, equates to "failure." But it is what it is, so all I can do is be patient (noting my definition in my previous post)...keep working on myself and being the best person I can be.

Onward! Make today great!

-PM