I had read Love Languages several yrs ago during my first M, thanks for reminding me about that one. It is a really good book. I am definitely words of affirmation and quality time and I think my H is acts of service.
Good, but read it again. It's the kind of book that should be read continuously (says the person who hasn't read it in months), because there's so much useful content that can be applied to an R.
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I think he did listen more when we first met, but now that we're past the "romance" stage he tunes out.
Quit making it sound like it's all his fault!! WHY is he tuning out? YOU can do something better. YOU can communicate more effectively, in ways that he WANTS. You can't change him directly, but you CAN change him by changing yourself. Now, what can YOU change about yourself? That's what you need to explore, and that's where DR and 5LL can guide you.
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He has trouble remembering things I tell him like when my doctor appointment is or what project I'm working on at work. Basically, it's like he's not paying attention.
You're blaming him again. What can YOU change about this? Maybe get a calendar for the fridge, or if he has a smartphone ask him if he'll allow you to put dates in his calendar with reminders.
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In a recent fight, H told me he didn't feel appreciated for the things he does and at first I said I didn't feel loved or appreciated either.
See what happened there? He actually opened up to you about how he feels! You should have been jumping for joy! Instead you said "yeah, but what about MY feelings?????" Your response should have been validation- "I'm so sorry you feel that way, it sounds like you feel disappointed, is that how you feel?" This would encourage him to open up about his feelings, with you asking questions to encourage him to continue. Then you could complete it with "I'm sorry my actions have made you feel disappointed, I don't want you to feel that way and I'm committed to doing better in the future." Then follow through with actions to match the promise, make him feel appreciated!
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I told him thank you for getting the car tires(act of service).
Read 5LL again, it'll help you do better on this. A simple "thank you" is a nice gesture, but you're not filling his LL with that. Think more along the lines of "have I ever told you what a great H you are? Taking time out of your day to get new tires for me, that is such a wonderful gesture and it really makes me feel loved!" Do you see the difference?
